How has having a child wBPD made you a better person?

[FaithHopeLove]

  Obviously none of us would have chosen for our children to suffer so, nonetheless I am finding that the more I travel this parent of a pwBPD path, the better person I am. Specifically I am becoming: 1. less judgmental 2. more likely to mind my own beeswax (in progress) 3. more compassionate 4. more humble. How about you? How have you grown?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Interesting topic, Faith. Before I found  bpdfamily, I believed having a child wBPD brought out the worst in me, and it did. I once shouted " you!" to my DD when she was 21 and I hated the words coming out of my mouth, still cringe when I think about that day.

For me, finding  bpdfamily has made me a better person in many ways. I'm totally a fan and wish I'd found this haven sooner. I'm more willing to look at my own dysfunctional behaviors, to take responsibility for my part in the destruction of my relationship with my DD, and to take responsibility for changing those behaviors. I have more compassion and understanding.

I remember the day it happened. I'd been here a short while and DD came into my room and just looked different to me. It was really strange, like I was seeing her for the first time. She looked younger, more beautiful, vulnerable, and I knew then that we'd make it. We are making it, one baby step at a time.

~ OH

[FaithHopeLove]

I remember the day it happened. I'd been here a short while and DD came into my room and just looked different to me. It was really strange, like I was seeing her for the first time. She looked younger, more beautiful, vulnerable, and I knew then that we'd make it. We are making it, one baby step at a time.

~ OH

This is so beautiful. I know what you mean. Understanding the nature of this illness does help us see them so much differently.

[Mirsa]

Great topic.  I've definitely grown in so many ways.  I think I've gained a lot of clarity about who I am as a woman.  I've learned to accept myself more fully, stopped apologizing and defending myself, and come to value and respect myself a lot more.  I'm a strong woman and a wonderful mother.  I'm not perfect, but definitely doing the best job that I can to be a person of integrity and kind and loving to all. 

I was raised by a narcissistic mother, lived with an emotionally-unavailable husband for 15 years, and then raised my BPD teenager by myself for a few years.  For the first time in many years, I am not living with anyone who is criticizing me and devaluing me, and it's absolutely wonderful. 

All in all, having these experiences, and being the mother of BPD who is pretty callous and at times, cruel, has made me a much kinder person.  And, I say it's easy to be kind to people who are kind to us.  I work hard to be kind to those who are UNkind.  It's a much larger challenge, and I like to think I've gotten better at this.  I'm even feeling a lot of empathy for my ex-husband lately, who is trying to parent the BPD.  I'm grateful that he's taken her on, even if he continues to express disdain and fury towards me.  I see that as a manifestation of his stress in dealing with her.  I'm better now at stepping aside and not personalizing other people's anger and negative emotions towards me.  And that is HUGE growth for me.

Thanks for this post and an opportunity to reflect on this.  Bhudda says that the toughest people in our lives are our biggest teachers, and I'd have to agree.

[Tazzer4000]

I am judgement free. I realize that what I see in any given moment is the culmination of hundreds of interactions I never saw. I am more humble. I understand that i can learn from everyone, and do my best to do so. I do my best to mind my own business because i haven't walked in anyone else's shoes. I'm more forgiving,  of others and myself. I now understand deeply that change is harder for some than others and people deserve forgiveness and so do I.

[Swimmy55]

Hmmm.  I am still a work in progress, but so far I am learning that I have as much rights to live my life as my adult son does.  We are equally human.  I don't have to throw myself on the sword to hold him up.  Yes, he has the right to not work on himself and drug up, but he has no right to expect I subsidize his lifestyle nor to exhibit violent, destructive behavior towards me .  I also realized no one is going to rescue me from this- from making the hard decisions, and to not be co dependent  with him anymore.  I mistakenly thought his Dad was going to step up , but he backed out and disappeared . Again.  So his Dad won't rescue me from R's illness, I have to rescue me from his illness' affects and the codependency.  It makes me scared, but the alternative is not acceptable or sustainable.  Onward and upward...somehow...