Other Side Didn't Turn Over Discovery

[toomanydogs]

Not sure this has been addressed. To condense my situation:

STBX and I lived on proceeds from his trust, which is administered by his father--my STBX-FIL.

STBX-FIL became part of the divorce action about a year ago. His first set of lawyers (divorce attorneys) dropped him because he wouldn't listen to their advice.

STBX-FIL wanted/wants to annul an 11-year marriage. Bad optics, according to those first set of lawyers.

STBX-FIL now has trust attorneys. 

Because STBX-FIL is now part of the divorce; he filed as intervenor, my L and I sent discovery requests to him and to my STBX.

No surprise that my STBX returned nothing. I figured that. STBX is low functioning, and right about now, because this divorce has dragged on interminably, he, in all likelihood, has completely shut down--not returning his L's calls or emails, isolating himself in his apartment (lives out of state now).

My STBX-FIL did surprise me. I knew he wouldn't want to go through discovery, as another issue with his first set of attorneys was that he wanted/demanded that they narrow the scope of discovery. There are things that he has done, including not revealing all assets in the prenup, that are not quite legal.

I figured STBX-FIL would give me a legitimate offer in order to avoid discovery. He did not. What he did was object to every single request L and I made, maintaining that his involvement with the divorce is limited to his need to look out for the marital home--asset of the trust.

(Can anyone say cluster****?)

So now, we (my L and I) are heading into settlement facilitation at the end of this month with no discovery from the other side.

My L is not filing a motion to compel discovery just yet because the family court where I live is backed up 3 to 6 months. We wouldn't get a hearing before settlement.

L has written to settlement facilitator explaining the situation and sharing my budget. My L is hoping we'll be able to get this settled even without discovery being shared.

I have lots of thoughts: 1) the court is not going to look favorably upon my STBX-FIL should this go to trial. The argument about his protecting "only" the house is specious, and he has a history of delaying and obstructing the divorce; 2) He must have a lot to hide. Maybe? 3) He's hoping if he delays this long enough, either I'll get fed up and decide to settle for prenup only (won't happen) or that his son, my STBX, will start cooperating in the divorce (won't happen either).

Anyhow, has anyone gone into settlement without having the other side share discovery?

TMD

[MeandThee29]

Anyhow, has anyone gone into settlement without having the other side share discovery?

I mentioned this to my lawyer because we have so little information. My lawyer said it depends on how much confidence you have in what you do know, but he doesn't like working with limited information. Too many times he's seen folks shafted because of what they didn't know. I suspect that he'll recommend holding off on settlement until it's all on the table.

[worriedStepmom]

Is the settlement binding?  Meaning once you go in, do you HAVE to agree to something, or can you walk away?

Who are the settlement talks with?  I don't see how, legally, your FIL can claim to be unable to provide discovery because he isn't involved AND participate in settlement talks.

It sounds to me like settlement talks are going to be a waste of your time and money.

[toomanydogs]

Is the settlement binding?  Meaning once you go in, do you HAVE to agree to something, or can you walk away?

Settlement is binding, provided we reach an agreement. If we do reach an agreement, then my FIL & STBX will need to sign off. If we don't reach an agreement then we head to trial on the merits.

Who are the settlement talks with?  I don't see how, legally, your FIL can claim to be unable to provide discovery because he isn't involved AND participate in settlement talks.

It sounds to me like settlement talks are going to be a waste of your time and money.

Settlement should include my FIL, my STBX, and me. My FIL is on shaky legal ground, and I suspect he refused to turn over discovery in an attempt to delay the divorce even more than he already has. I don't know why he wants to delay, but his actions indicate he does.

Discovery was a waste of my time. All the while I was gathering my docs and pics and whatnot, I kept thinking that FIL & STBX would not be handing anything over. Upside? I seem to have a good feel for these people. Downside? They are totally useless humans intent on obstructing and delaying this divorce.

TMD

[ForeverDad]

My divorce lawyer estimated our divorce would take from 7 to 9 months.  However, the temp order was totally in mother's favor, she had temp custody, majority time and child support.  Of course she delayed as much as she could.  From when I filed for divorce and the actual final decree... 23.5 months.

Someone in a recent post commented that delays are standard in PD divorces.  "If delays are possible, then there will be delays."  So of course FIL is creating as many delays as possible.  He expects you to give up (or settle for less sooner) if enough hurdles are placed in your path.  If the terms are unsatisfactory then the only recourse is slogging though the court process.  Yes, a royal pain but I figure you're past the (emotional) worst of it.

[toomanydogs]

Someone in a recent post commented that delays are standard in PD divorces.  "If delays are possible, then there will be delays."  So of course FIL is creating as many delays as possible.  He expects you to give up (or settle for less sooner) if enough hurdles are placed in your path.  If the terms are unsatisfactory then the only recourse is slogging though the court process.  Yes, a royal pain but I figure you're past the (emotional) worst of it.

Hi FD,
  Absolutely I'm past the worst of it emotionally. Looks like I may be seeing my STBX and possibly STBX-FIL at settlement. That will be stressful. Maybe. The idea of seeing STBX after 22 months of NC stresses me out, but actually seeing him may very well be anti-climatic.
  I have a sister who has, in good faith, advised that I settle for the prenup in an effort to protect my health. What I told her is that once my FIL cut me off, I was in in for the long haul. Also told her that stopping now would be as if I'd been swimming the English Channel, and I can see the Normandy shore and for some inexplicable reason I turn around and swim back to England. Can't do that.
  This isn't really about money. Certainly, I need enough money to support myself for the next 30 years; however, this has always been about knowing my worth (I don't mean financial) and turning around and telling someone (FIL) that he can't treat me like that. I've always been pretty easy going and accepting, but I've never had anyone treat me as shabbily as my FIL. My STBX was scary towards the end and certainly mean, but I always kind of figured husbands and wives can be pretty cruel to one another when things are falling apart. Not excusing it, but trying to understand it.
  My FIL? I'm guessing he's cruel just because he can be and wants to be in an attempt, as you pointed out, to wear me down so I'd just give up and take whatever he offered.
  God, I'm glad this is almost over. At least I think/I pray it's almost over.
TMD

[ForeverDad]

I've always been pretty easy going and accepting, but I've never had anyone treat me as shabbily as my FIL.

And he's been expecting you to retreat back into your former "pretty easy going and accepting" ways.  That's who you are.  That's who most here are.  If you hadn't been treated so badly you probably would have accepted a decent offer.  But his only entitled thought was he could just dump you and you'd acquiesce.  That didn't happen and now you're prepared, more informed and yes, more determined to be treated fairly or at least somewhat fairly.  Seems like he can't recognize that or is still playing by his old playbook.