Hi and welcome! Congrats on your little one!
I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
We just had our first child and I'm scared. She wants to be at our house every single weekend. She goes crazy if my mom or brothers see our daughter more than she does. She's demanding to babysit but I can't leave her alone with someone so unstable. My DH agrees with me right now but I'm terrified that he'll give in to her at some point. I absolutely cannot allow it.
Ugh. We have several members who are parents who made sure never to leave their kids alone with their parent. It is more challenging when it involves your spouse's parent.
Your husband has his own relationship with his mom. I know that is the obvious thing to say however when a person is raised by someone with mental illness they learn patterns of behaviors that become deeply ingrained. Changing those behaviors is going to be very difficult. Then you have to consider that your husband may not fully grasp how much this affects how he interacts with his mom and in turn with you.
Your husband will have his own inner battle with these issues and it is going to take him a lot of time to see and work through the issues. I am not sure that asking him to go no contact is the way. I would hate to see there be a bigger wedge between you and him.
It is a lot to consider and balance, being married, being a mom, being a DIL.
And we fight over her - a lot. I've suggested we go to counseling but he won't hear of it.
If he won't go what about going yourself? You can get input on how to deal with the understandable anger you feel and things you can do to help yourself cope and respond in ways that are healthy for you. We can help you with that too.
Thoughts?