Do most people stay no contact forever?

[cbcrna1]

MOD NOTE:  This was originally posted in an old thread found here:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=207150.0


I have been basically NC with my adult daughter with BPD for 10 years now.  I have tried over the years to reestablish our relationship, I cannot say this strongly enough-it does not work.  We reenter the same cycle of craziness.  I cannot say this strongly enough either-I wish it could be different.  It does her no good, it does me no good, it does our family no good.  We need to remain NC.  I am sorry to say this.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

Hi cbcrna.

You sound really frustrated.

What is going on for you today?  How can we help?

[quietgirl]

Our family goes through this cycle w/ my sister also.
The issue is that she has been so non-functional she is financially dependent on my parents, so they have to deal with her.

All she does is give them grief about how they ruined her life.
Meanwhile they bought her a condo and gave her a living allowance each month.
My dad finally kicked her out of their house stating "she is killing your mother".
My mom has physical sickness over my sister, its tough to watch. 

You message spoke to me be/c its my mom that struggles the most w /the nc.
She also feels like its not an acceptable option considering it is her own daughter.  The rest of our immediate family is understanding that she has a life long sickness and will never really recover.

Take care of yourself.  If someone in your life is causing more pain than the pain caused by not having them in your life, than you may need to let that relationship go.  No matter who it is. 

I've come to grips w/ this with my sister.  We are mostly NC and I want it that way for the well being of my kids and husband.  That came on the advice of a therapist I was seeing.
I wish my mom would see it that way.  The guilt she has over my sister will be the death of her if she lets it. 

[cbcrna1]

I am not frustrated.  I am very sad. Resigned. Usually able to find the strength and courage to make a good life.  Always in my heart is my BPDD.  But not in my life.

[zachira]

It hurts my heart to hear that you have had to go no contact with your daughter. Of course, you feel sad about this. It is so normal to want to have loving caring relationships with our family members, especially our children, and when we can't it is a lifetime loss. Every situation is different. Some will choose to go no contact and other low contact, either temporarily or permanently.
I am low contact with my immediate family members, siblings and mother. I cannot go no contact for several reasons which I will not discuss here.
Keep us posted on how you are doing.