I Need Prayers or Good Thoughts, Please

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am going into the final stretch of the divorce, and I quite simply need prayers.

I know I am not weak, but I feel really battered down right now. Nothing new. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just the same old stuff:

Flooding from the irrigation ditch. (Can't fix. Not under my control.)
Broken pool, sitting empty. (Can't fix. Not under my control.)
Cottonwood branches across the yard. (Can't fix. Not under my control.)
Have to take pics of everything in the house I want. (Under my control)
Have to supply more bank statements. (Under my control.)

I'm just exhausted. I want nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep for the next two weeks.

The only thing harder than being married to my STBX is trying to divorce him.
TMD

[toomanydogs]

I am going into the final stretch of the divorce, and I quite simply need prayers.

I know I am not weak, but I feel really battered down right now. Nothing new. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just the same old stuff:

Flooding from the irrigation ditch. (Can't fix. Not under my control.)
Broken pool, sitting empty. (Can't fix. Not under my control.)
Cottonwood branches across the yard. (Can't fix. Not under my control.)
Have to take pics of everything in the house I want. (Under my control)
Have to supply more bank statements. (Under my control.)

I'm just exhausted. I want nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep for the next two weeks.

The only thing harder than being married to my STBX is trying to divorce him.
TMD

[I Am Redeemed]

Hi TMD,

I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I understand how it can be depressing and overwhelming to have things around you that need to be taken care of- some you can, and some you can't, but your attention is drawn to them all the same. I've been in the same kind of mindset lately, with many things that I need to take care of but without the means to do it all. I know that there is only so much that I have control of, but it raises my anxiety and has increased my depressive mood somewhat   It's good that you are able to recognize what things you can and can't control and take care of right now. Add yourself to that list- you might need an extra helping of self care  

Prayers and good thoughts will certainly be coming your way from this direction.

Redeemed

[MeandThee29]

I find that the downtimes come-and-go. Usually it's more than the legal stuff pushing me over. When it's legal plus the rest of life, it's rough.

It helps me to focus that this is a chapter. It won't always be like this.

I'm job-hunting, having some physical challenges, and having house problems beyond my control. I'm in a tough patch too.

[formflier]

Hang in there TMD.  You can do this!

FF

[StillHopeful73]

Sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes! What doesn't kill you will make you stronger and one day you'll look back on this and be amazed as to how strong you were during this time.

This may not work for you but during some of my most difficult times I try to attack it all with as much humor as I can muster. About 4 years ago I was having a heck of a time with house stuff (septic etc), trying to sell my home, the deal fell through due to my real estate agent friend making an error (he never apologized), having to pay my lawyers for the deal that fell through etc. etc. Well, I wrote a silly song about it called "My life is a country song." It's not very good and it was only for my own personal purposes, but I found reading it over or singing it made me smile on occasion. Even if this isn't your kind of thing, distraction in general may make it less overwhelming

[toomanydogs]

About 4 years ago I was having a heck of a time with house stuff (septic etc), trying to sell my home, the deal fell through due to my real estate agent friend making an error (he never apologized), having to pay my lawyers for the deal that fell through etc. etc. Well, I wrote a silly song about it called "My life is a country song." It's not very good and it was only for my own personal purposes, but I found reading it over or singing it made me smile on occasion. Even if this isn't your kind of thing, distraction in general may make it less overwhelming

Thanks, StillHopeful73
I love this. Reminds me of a very old country song on "Hee Haw"--If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck, at all."

Also reminds me of a song, "Nobody to Blame," by Chris Stapleton:
"I know right where I went wrong
I know just what got her gone
Turned my life into this country song."

Love country music.
Thanks again,
TMD

[toomanydogs]

Hi TMD,

I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I understand how it can be d Add yourself to that list- you might need an extra helping of self care  

Prayers and good thoughts will certainly be coming your way from this direction.

Redeemed

Thank you, Redeemed!
In an effort to give myself an extra helping of self care, I had a huge party for myself & my kids. Had a band, a bounce house, and about 70 people

It was awesome! Even my L came.

Thanks again,
TMD

[toomanydogs]

I find that the downtimes come-and-go. Usually it's more than the legal stuff pushing me over. When it's legal plus the rest of life, it's rough.

Thanks MeandThee29,
It was the legal stuff that pushed me over. Sometimes I'm able to roll with it, and sometimes I'm not. It helps that my L is really good and walks me through a lot of it.
Thanks again!
TMD

[toomanydogs]

Hang in there TMD.  You can do this!

FF

As always, FF, thank you. You remind me so much of a friend I have out of state. Whenever I'm having a particularly bad time, he and his wife are really able to help.

Hope you're doing good,

TMD

[MeandThee29]

How are you doing?

I was struggling today. They were digging unsuccessfully in my yard looking for the water main, and the dog was freaking out. I was trying to prep for a job interview. The interview went well, but you never know. I also sent more documents to my lawyer. That always bugs me too.

Tomorrow is a new day though.

[MeandThee29]

Better day today, for sure.

Hang in there!

[Panda39]

The only thing harder than being married to my STBX is trying to divorce him

Boy does that ring true! This would describe my partner's divorce from his uBPDxw as well.

Hope you are hanging in there 

Wishing you well,
Panda39

[GaGrl]

My DH was legally married to his how-to (uNPD/BPD) for 33 years. For the last 14 years of the legal marriage, they were completely separated -- separate houses, separate personal property (cars), each had a business, she had a live-in boyfriend.

And yet, when DH and I reconnected (high school) and he filed for divorce...OMG! It took nine months to play out a divorce based on irreconcilable differences. Every PD behavior came out in her. It was horrible.

Thinking of you this week...

[toomanydogs]

Better day today, for sure.

Hang in there!

Hi MeAndThee!
  I'm glad you're doing better. This stuff is hard.   
TMD

[toomanydogs]

Hope you are hanging in there 

Wishing you well,
Panda39

Hi Panda!
   I am definitely hanging on. I'll be glad when this over because the roller coaster is kind of exhausting.
 
TMD

[toomanydogs]

Thinking of you this week...

Thank you, Gagrl!
TMD

[formflier]

Give us an update when you get a chance...

Thinking of you.  What's the latest with all your critters?

Best,

FF

[toomanydogs]

Give us an update when you get a chance...

Thinking of you.  What's the latest with all your critters?

Best,

FF

Hey FF,
  Latest is I'm heading into settlement later this month even though neither my STBX or STBX-FIL handed over discovery. Upside? My L is irritated. The same day my STBX-FIL refused to hand over any discovery we requested, he also threatened to file suit against me because he maintained I was preventing needed maintenance on the house. Long, stupid story. However, he so irritated my L that L denied access, told them to file in the Court, and good luck with getting an expedited hearing. Felt good. My L has been advising in the past for me to "make nice" so they wouldn't be tempted to evict me. L told them they could argue their position during settlement.
  I'm really on an emotional roller coaster and am getting tired of it. It's exhausting.
  Happier note: my critters are doing good. I've got 2 baby chicks, hatched here. Babies always make me happy. Horses are good. Donkey's good. I've got an extra dog temporarily; his owner is in the hospital.
 
Thanks FF,
TMD  
 

[formflier]

Are you going to use the lack of discovery to UP your settlement number.

ie   We may settle for $lower if you provide discovery.

However, without discovery we must assume worst case and $$$$$$ is our number. 

No discovery..that's odd.

Best,

FF

[GaGrl]

I think ForevefDad got a request for a large number of docs for discovery. He provided them, and his lawyer played tit for tat and made the same request of his then-wife.

She never produced a thing.

[toomanydogs]

Are you going to use the lack of discovery to UP your settlement number.

ie   We may settle for $lower if you provide discovery.



Best,

FF

What my L said was that without STBX-FIL's financials, we were free to use ours. Mine are accurate.

And my L is using the budget I put together, let the facilitator know that the figures were high and she didn't expect the judge to award what I requested, but the budget reflects my lifestyle.

I didn't get the impression that my L was going to use lack of discovery as a bargaining chip. She didn't change my figures, and my figures haven't changed since early 2018.

I suspect that neither my STBX or STBX-FIL will show up for settlement. We'll see.

 
TMD

[toomanydogs]

I think ForevefDad got a request for a large number of docs for discovery. He provided them, and his lawyer played tit for tat and made the same request of his then-wife.

She never produced a thing.

I'm guessing that not providing requested docs may not be as peculiar as I think it is.

What's getting me through this, fairly intact, is that if we do end up at trial, my STBX-FIL's behavior is not going to impress the Court. In fact, I'm pretty sure they'll take a dim view of what he's been doing.

TMD

[formflier]

What my L said was that without STBX-FIL's financials, we were free to use ours. Mine are accurate.
 

It is likely worth asking...since there will be nothing to challenge, to raise your figures substantially.

Welcome them to produce evidence to the contrary.

There is some downside here (maybe).  If both parties are acting unreasonably then that could hurt you.

However..there may be no reward/upside for you to be "accurate".  You could present "estimated" figures..rather than "certified".

Best,

FF

[ForeverDad]

I think ForeverDad got a request for a large number of docs for discovery. He provided them, and his lawyer played tit for tat and made the same request of his then-wife.

She never produced a thing.

That's right, I sent 600+ pages. (Okay, I confess, I photocopied the statement backs too.)  My lawyer got upset that (1) they sent divorce questions and the divorce was long over and (2) they never responded to his calls.  So, yes, he enjoyed writing up a long list of appropriate questions.  We got nothing back.

So what happened?  When we got to court the lawyers both ignored the mutual interrogatories requests.  I think that's usually how it turns out, if a settlement is reached or the issues are ignored then it's like "no harm, no foul".

Actually the financials ought to be rather straightforward, it's not like you're requesting docs related to parenting as mine was.  And in your case there's substantial $$$ involved.  If you can afford the extra time, you can request the court appoint a Special Master - forensic accountant - to demand all the needed data.