Wife

[Jack Ryan]

I’d like to read other life experiences to see if what I’m reading is actually close in reality. “walking on eggshells” seems very very familiar to my life. I just don’t know if my experience fits even though there are so many variations.

Thanks!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Panda39]

Hi Jack,

Welcome to the site   

Can you tell us a little bit more about what you have been experiencing?  We all have folks with BPD/BPD Traits in our lives, but everyone is an individual so their are variations in the types of behaviors you might see.

The person in my life is my Significant Other's (SO's) undiagnosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw).  In her case there seems to be a focus on money, appearances, and her (real & imagined) health issues.  For someone else it could be addiction, or cheating, or issues with work etc.  But typically we see similar dysfunctional behaviors...if you spend sometime here it is amazing how similar our stories can sound.

None of us can diagnose someone with BPD but what we can do is learn and teach each other tools that can be helpful not just with someone with BPD but tools that are helpful in all of our relationships.  So even if your wife doesn't fit the BPD mold exactly I'm sure you will find tools, ideas and support here that will be helpful to you.

I hope to hear more of your story.
Take Care, 
Panda39

[COLB]

Jack,
Not knowing your experience limits my ability to share helpful tips from my experience.  I will say in my case my BPDw of 30 years is like she was plucked from the book.  She has tremendous trust and self image issues that turn into very destructive verbal assaults on our children and myself (and anyone who disagrees with her and challenges her self image).  I have found the book, this thread and taking time to make myself a better person have all been helpful. 

B

[Enabler]

Hey Jack,

My W has gone through different phases with a common theme over the last 21yrs. Body dysmorphia, ultra low stress tolerance, highly volatile mood swings, periodic alcoholism, unfaithfulness, black and white thinking, delusional thinking, paranoia, push pull behaviour, splitting me black for sometimes years on end and constant victim mentality... that's the common thread. Behaviour that has subsided since her mid-20's physical self harm (arm and leg cutting), suicidal ideation (either that or she just doesn't talk to me about it... there are some things I have read in the last few years which would suggest she has thought about suicide in the depths of our marital problems), public anger and physical violence (however this has been replaced with silent treatment and passive aggressive behaviour post me fighting back).

I think that's the crux of it. She's left our marriage twice before and is now in the midst of loosely pursuing a divorce and having an affair with a marriage man... which she denies.

Come and learn my friend. Unravel your ball of string.

Enabler