New Baby

[Zipzap zoom2]

Help!
My son’s live in girlfriend/mother of his child has BPD w narcissistic traits. She just had the baby 5weeks ago and will not let us see the baby. We saw her for the first 2weeks, a few times. My son invited us over every time, we have never just popped in. She saying “the baby is sick”, but post pics of other people being allowed around the baby and the baby has no symptom of being sick and. hasn’t taken her to the Dr. We haven’t said or done anything to her to deserve this. In fact, we have done a lot for her including helping out financially, taking meals etc. I feel like our family has done everything we know to make her feel loved and secure, but all she does is push us away or say mean things about us to other people. I feel like she is the hardest person I have ever met to get along with. Her family says she has been in therapy before and wasn’t successful and she won’t take meds either. I don’t know how to handle the situation. Should I just ask her what we did? Or should I just stay away from her? It’s breaking my heart bc I feel like she is also putting a wedge between me and my son along with keeping the baby from us.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

She may feel deeply insecure post-birth (and about parenting adequately in general) and at the same time, competitive with you for your son's attention. The depth of emptiness someone with BPD feels often drives them to act competitively around others.

You mention that she is your son's partner, that they are not married. Do they want to be married?

It's hard to really grasp the depth of insecurity that someone with BPD suffers, which can be confusing if there are strong narcissistic traits.

Can you say more about what she is doing to put a wedge between you and your son? This is pretty common behavior for a BPD sufferer to isolate a partner, you are not alone. 

LnL