Hi Faith
I’m trying to write the right thing as of course everybody wants your son to agree to rehab and then be fully motivated to make the changes he needs. I really hope your son wants to take this step for himself.
I am thinking of saying "You invest so much in your businesses and making money and there is nothing wrong with that. But I would love to see you make at least a one month investment of time in yourself. You are a valuable person. I love you and I think you deserve this gift" What do you think?
I think my son would not get past “nothing wrong with that”. It’s too long and my son’s thinking would skip around and I think he’d end with feeling it as a judgment. Faith, I think you’d also be best by keeping you and your husband out of it. Your son already feels/knows what you want him to do - he resists. “At least a month” implies temporary drug free. Your son is currently caught up in a cycle: he needs/likes money, he sells drugs, he uses drugs. He’s reached a point that his drug use has taken over his life. There has to be a change - chicken and egg problem. I hope you take this as constructive criticism. I only hope to help or give a different perspective.
Your son has to make this decision by himself for himself. He may ask you for advice, then it’s ok to give it. This is the text book stuff and I totally understand that you want to encourage him to make that next step.
I’d use DEAR-MAN. This is about him taking responsibility for himself, he’s scared and he resists. I’ve paired this right down so you can see an example of how it works. I wouldn’t be so blunt.
Describe facts: you have problems and you’re not well
Express: that must feel xxxx
Assert: you can change your situation
Re-assert. this is an opportunity for things to be better for you if you want that.
This is me Faith, not you. My situation is entirely different and only you know your son. My son feels my anxieties and one of the very real benefits of behaving with loving emotional attachment is their feeling of there being no expectation of them. The fact is: your son may choose to enter rehab or not. He will face the consequence regardless of what he chooses. There’s no guarantees. If he walks away from this opportunity it doesn’t mean that he won’t change his mind or seek rehab at another point.
I hope he feels the common sense of going to rehab and is able to overcome his very real fears. He’s very vulnerable right now and he needs the right help.
I can only imagine how frustrating and upsetting this is for you.
What do you think?
LP
