New Here - Does this get better

[NeedHelpforBPDdd]

Hello - my SD who is 20 years old was diagnosed as BPD last year.  My husband (her father) thinks it's all "BS".  He enables her and caters to her all of the time.  She refuses to get a job and just lost her full ride scholarship to a University.  She is brilliant but claims she shouldn't have to take classes that don't apply to her, blah blah.  So she lived in a dorm for a year and didn't go to class.  She doesn't drink or do drugs.  She plays video games all day and seems to enjoy ANYTHING that doesn't require responsibility or work.  I've endured this since she was little, refusing to do any work around that house, she quit her job "because I make too much money for her to have to work".  She is highly critical of any friends (she really doesn't have any) because they don't want to talk about her all of the time.

Suicide threats are very typical - she's been in hospitals, yet has never harmed herself (thank god). I'm exhausted and depressed.  My husband and I do not see eye to eye on this at all.

I'm just looking for support.  Her biological mother has not been in her life since she was a baby. I hate feeling this way about her (angry, frustrated, resentful, disappoined). I have a very strong work ethic and have always supported myself so I can not understand the lack of motivation, the lack of desire to support herself... absolutely no drive

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[GaGrl]

NEEDHELP, welcome! We are glad you found your way to this board, although the reason behind it sounds difficult and sad. You sound as if you have a long-standing step-parent relationship with this young woman.

There are a number of people on this board who have a young adult child with BPD - some are also seems by help and support and many can offer that help and support.

Is your step-daughter officially diagnosed with BPD? Is she actively in therapy?

Do you and/or your husband seeing a therapist or a marriage counselor?

[MomSA]

Hello and welcome.

I would like to recommend you read Stop Walking on Eggshells and together you read When Your Daughter has BPD.

In the second book they do give a fair amount of time to discussing when the parents are not in agreement.

Perhaps the first place to start is getting your SD to a psychologist for a diagnoses? Or for your husband to watch these videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to5qRLRSS7g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4k6jtAAJmA