She breached NC and was picked up by ambulance/police

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Case conference was supposed to be tomorrow but had to be postponed.  Yesterday she breached the no-contact condition and an ambulance + cops picked her up at her house an hour later. 

The most troubling thing is that she cancelled the visit the day before... but then texted the kids an hour before the planned visit saying "Daddy said there was a visit, come and meet me like he said"...    yeah, I'm not comfortable with that.  Not sure what she could have done.
 
We'll see what tomorrow brings..

[mart555]

Case conference was supposed to be tomorrow but had to be postponed.  Yesterday she breached the no-contact condition and an ambulance + cops picked her up at her house an hour later. 

The most troubling thing is that she cancelled the visit the day before... but then texted the kids an hour before the planned visit saying "Daddy said there was a visit, come and meet me like he said"...    yeah, I'm not comfortable with that.  Not sure what she could have done.
 
We'll see what tomorrow brings..

[ForeverDad]

Some people with BPD tend to be self-sabotaging.  There has to be a reason for a failed event, even if she has to create one.  Maybe she really can't handle the visit and that was her way to sabotage herself?

[GaGrl]

How did she breach the No Contact? What it you who had to call police?

[maxsterling]

I'm curious to know more details about this.  Why was an ambulance called?  Did you call for it, or did she?

[mart555]

She definitely seems to be a big fan of self-sabotaging, maybe she wanted to punish the kids by saying "no visit Monday" (even though it was to celebrate the youngest one's birthday) on Sunday...  

But my spidey senses are tingling this time around.  It seems different.
- On Friday the kids have told me that their mom really hates me.  The oldest one even said "I don't think that she could hate you more"
- They said that the car ride was scary...she wasn't doing well but at one point she turned off the radio and began humming.  My youngest one (10) said that "it sounded like the chucky song and it was creepy a.f." and the oldest one said it was the perfect description...  and she did the same on previous rides to hospital when she was suicidal or in full crisis
- They fear that she'll assault me
- Oldest one told therapist he's worried that his mom will kidnap the young one
- On Monday, an hour before the usual visit, she texts them saying "daddy said that there is a visit!", followed by "daddy said that you'll meet me at the usual spot", kids don't show and she sends a neighbour's kid to get my young one. Just the young one.   And then goes in full crisis mode not long after by showing up close to house (~50m, outside of field of view of cameras which she knows about, following her first breach two months ago) even though there is a no contact order (>200m from house), honking non stop for a minute or two (causing neighbors to go outside), then going back to her place home and required cops and ambulance to take her by force to hospital after she called them (or neighbor called) which took a good hour due to lack of cooperation...  all while I was on phone to report breach.

And two months ago for a 1 hour public location visit (kids were worried about her but wanted to see her to be sure she was fine) when she wanted to lure the kids to her vehicle at the far end of the parking lot... but the kids wanted to stay near the restaurant.  Oldest one wanted to leave but she forced the young one to stay, back against the wall, hands besides each shoulders so oldest one stayed.  Turns out that she was in full crisis that time too.  

She's now out of hospital, left a voicemail to young one saying "can't wait to see you. sorry I missed you, I was in hospital but all is good now".  

I keep wondering what was her intent... or what could have happened if the young one had decided to go with her.   Or maybe it's just self sabotaging + pressure of upcoming case conference (now postponed) that caused her to go wild.  But I still wonder.  And I fear a bit what is to come since I won't have a court order for months to come.  In the meantime, I will NOT send my kids to visit, unless they are supervised.  

[Panda39]

Not a mind reader, but IMO likely the upcoming conference was triggering.  My Partner's ex would use the "Hospital" as a place to hide when she couldn't handle things.  It's a Hospital so...she had to be there the Dr made her stay...she's not well... it's not her fault.

Well, based on your story you have more ammo, but another delay 

Panda39

[Turkish]

She's unstable and dangerous. I wouldn't let any of your kids be with her unsupervised. It sounds like she's borderline psychotic.

[mart555]

Not a mind reader, but IMO likely the upcoming conference was triggering.  My Partner's ex would use the "Hospital" as a place to hide when she couldn't handle things. 

There's always a trigger.  This one was either son's birthday or case conference. Or both.  Another day it will be a kid that says he can't visit because he has something else.  Next month will be back to school, realizing that she wasted the whole summer without her lengthy visits that she wanted.  Then it's my other kids birthday. Then halloween she'll miss out on.  Then christmas..   I'm far from out of the woods, and so are the kids

I don't know how much of a safe place the hospital is.  Maybe she was it this way and was hoping for only the ambulance, but cops were dispatched due to breach of condition which caused an additional trigger.

But none the less, I see her as unstable and dangerous as Turkish pointed out.  This is getting complicated because not only do I have to deal with the family court stuff but now safety is a concern much more than before. 

[MeandThee29]

But none the less, I see her as unstable and dangerous as Turkish pointed out.  This is getting complicated because not only do I have to deal with the family court stuff but now safety is a concern much more than before. 

This is so hard. At one point when my regular therapist was away, I saw a counsellor for a few sessions who did a lot of volunteer work with an abused women's shelter. I just picked her from a list and didn't know that going in. She scared me. The counsellor was concerned that mine had talked about God killing me for my sins, which indicated a desire to see me dead. Maybe over-the-top, but the truth is that when someone has been suicidal and threatening, you don't know. She commented that the first months of the separation process are especially critical, and then the statistical risk may drop.

My thoughts are with you.

[mart555]

As expected... my oldest one received a text message from her Friday an hour before the usual visit asking "is there a visit today?" as if everything was back to normal.  He said "not yet" and then she didn't argue. Told them to have a nice week-end.  The week-end was eerily quiet..  not sure what this week will bring.   But no matter what, I am not caving in on requirement to have supervised visits even if she is back to what seems normal because who knows when the next trigger will be.  And I'd like my kids to be able to relax a bit during the visit, and not be concerned about their well being..