My ex and i met up. I tought it was great, need help

[flangleboi]

Hello again. Ive been posting a few times here recently since our 2nd breakup. My last post was about meeting up with my ex, or more so if i should let her attend a party with me and my friends. This is my story off that night.

So me and my friends were drinking. Her sister and a couple friends including her cousins came early. At around 10PM she sends her sister a message, asking if she could come. So when she came it kinda was akward the first minute or so, i didnt really know what to say to her. I started joking around and it pretty much ended the best way it possible could. We sat for the entire last 3 hours off the party just chatting about us, what went wrong in our R/S and if we could give it another try in the future. She wanted this. So one thing let to another, and we were going to bed. She asked iff she could spend the night at our cabin. Probably the best night off my life to be honest, it felt so surrealistic sleeping in the same bed as her again. Nothing happend, and i didnt really have any expectantions since we agreed to take things slowly. Before we went to sleep i asked her if this was weird, and maybe that she would regret sleeping in the same bed with me tommorow morning when she was sobered up. She said noway, pushed me down in the bed and falled asleep on my chest..

The next day came, and we chatted for abit. More than we have in the last two months. I asked her if what we talked about was something she meant. Or if she wanted me to forget all about it. She said yes it was real, but we had to start out as friends and take things from there. But she was open for everything. The next couple off days we had abit off contact, it all felt so natural and finally things were starting to work out again. The last 2 days hasnt really been much, feels like she just has forgoteen about what happened.. I asked her to meet tommorow and she would message me tommorow if she had time to meet.

My problem and what i need help with is how to play this. I have no idea if i should contact her now and then or let her do the contacting part. What happened doesnt really help my healing if nothing more is gonna happen between us. Just salt to the wound really. But i hope if i take this slow and just let her "come to me" that things will happen eventually. Any thoughts help or insight will be much appreciated! Thanks

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[ColdKnight]

I always thought it was best to take it slow and let them come to you. That they want to feel like it is their idea but that was before I started reading about BPD and the abandonment fear. I read an article that you need to constantly re assure and over communicate with them. Then later Iread the pwBPD hate being chased.

Ive tried both and was it coin toss. I think it depends on whatever mood they are in at the time. After my uBPDxgf left me the first time I chased a bit then pulled back then reached out a few more times. She always responded but never moved it forward. If I didn’t continue the texting neither would she.

She reached out three times in the six months after our first break and I never tried to get together with her for fear she would reject me. Ive heard horror stories of exes reaching out just to see if you will bite and going cold again.

In April I called her and said I wanted to see her again and for whatever reason it worked...for a short time. As of the 24th of August we stopped speaking. I texted her yesterday and she responded very cold. I texted her again today and haven’t heard from her. Our get “back together” phase was filled with lots of hot and cold and silent treatment and with us only getting together intimately twice in four months. It was mostly a lot of texting and phone calls.

Soo I don’t really believe there is one “way” to play it. There may be one specific thing that she will respond to but I don’t think anyone can really tell you what the “key” is. Sometimes they want you to chase, sometimes they don’t.

Until you find the key to her specific code there is no right answer. And beware...her code probable changes every hour...

that’s just my option and I am no one of consequence...