Newbie. DIL udBPD

[Shenandoahgirl]

My DIL with bipolar and possibly undiagnosed borderline has left my son.  His lawyer pointed out in her notes, and discussions his belief that she is borderline. His counselor and the kids counselors all have made the same suggestion along with predicting the next actions DIL will take.  They can not diagnose her but suggest it  Now after 6 months of bizarre communication, threats, allegations I believe the lawyer and counselors are correct.  She has done half of their predictions.
  We are not in communication with her.  I want to assist my son. We are not assisting her.  But also do not want to do anything that makes this separation/divorce more difficult.  I’m here looking for wisdom.  It’s just so difficult.  I have a grandma that was borderline and I remember what living around her was like. This is just sad.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Shenandoah Girl
Welcome to the group
 You have come to the right place for information and support. I am sorry to hear that your DIL is causing pain to your family. You are wise to want to avoid making matters worse. I think the best idea would be to focus on being a nonreactice presence. Take good care of yourself so you can keep your balance in the days ahead. Step away from the drama. How does that sound?
Hugs
Faith

[livednlearned]

Hi Shenandoah Girl,

Joining FaithHopeLove in welcoming you to the boards.

The threats and allegations can really rattle you. How is your son doing?

Are there kids involved?

A good book to recommend your son (and probably helpful for you, too) is Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a BPD/NPD Spouse by Bill Eddy.

Eddy was a former social worker before becoming a family law attorney. He focuses  a lot on what he calls high conflict personalities (HCPs), who tend to be people that are persuasive blamers, have a target of blame, recruit negative advocates and have a personality disorder. Not all people with BPD are HCPs, however it's his belief that all HCPs have a PD.

What is the nature of the threats and allegations she's making?