Lonely and confused and very low

[Parents! Get help here!]

I separated from my wife 17months ago. She was diagnosed with BPD and our family life was completely toxic. Both my daughters chose to live with me 15 and 17. My 17 year old dropped out of school, started drinking and smoking weed and has lost her job. I eventually started to impose some boundaries on her which has caused endless drama. Now she is living with her mum whom she hated to begin with and is abusing me saying her mental health is my fault, the marriage breakup is all my fault etc. she has been self harming as well. I fear that she has BPD symptoms too and having two significant people in my life is utterly exhausting. I am struggling to be a good parent for both, especially my youngest. I feel utterly depleted.

[archi68]

I separated from my wife 17months ago. She was diagnosed with BPD and our family life was completely toxic. Both my daughters chose to live with me 15 and 17. My 17 year old dropped out of school, started drinking and smoking weed and has lost her job. I eventually started to impose some boundaries on her which has caused endless drama. Now she is living with her mum whom she hated to begin with and is abusing me saying her mental health is my fault, the marriage breakup is all my fault etc. she has been self harming as well. I fear that she has BPD symptoms too and having two significant people in my life is utterly exhausting. I am struggling to be a good parent for both, especially my youngest. I feel utterly depleted.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Archie
Welcome to the group. I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through with both your former wife and your daughter. It must be very difficult. It is great that you found us. This is the right place to get help and support. Are other resources available to you as well?
Hugs
Faith

[Lola B]

 You may very well be dealing with BPD in your daughter as well. While it may seem unlivable, knowing is better than not knowing and assuming that she can react appropriately. She is  Young enough that you can make TLC or tiny little changes as they are called which may improve your relationship and her ability to have relationships with others. Take heart and don’t panic. God bless.

[livednlearned]

17 months isn't a long time ago to be divorced, Archie. How did you feel coming out of the marriage and how was the immediate aftermath?

One of my favorite things to learn from others struggling with BPD relationships is the question: what does it mean for you to feel well?

We can't help loved ones if we can't come to these relationships knowing how to answer that for ourselves.

What are you doing to take care of yourself? How is your youngest daughter doing?