When we first met

[gizmocasci]

I've been writing poetry and small pieces over the past few years as a way out of my head and into a healing space. I wrote this small piece today after ending things a few weeks ago with someone I suspected had BPD or at least showed signs of it. I hope other can relate or find some confort in these words.

Best of luck in your continued healing process.

R

When we first met, there was so much excitement and so much passion. I wrote of the very things, I thought I had wanted. I have since thrown out that journal entry, modified with more internal attributes. We mirrored each other in so many ways. Looking back now, I wonder if I was truly looking at myself, or if I was just looking at you. I came into this thing they call a relationship, with wide eyes and open arms. I thought, this may just be it, but you’re going to have to sacrifice some things. You’re going to have to put a hold, on a lot of what you’ve been trending towards. Was I trading in what I wanted for love? Or was I trading in what I wanted, for what I thought was love? You told me to leave my past behind, while you still had your foot in yours. You told me I was cruel and unkind, yet your words left me shaking and rattled. You shifted all the blame onto me, I stood no chance. I began reverting back to what I knew, instead of acting on what I had learned. My faults? Not trusting in myself. Not loving myself. Not believing I meant more, than being treated second in your Disney laden tale. For getting caught up in a game, you may not even have known you’d been playing. I left because I had to. I’m moving on because I need to. When we first met, I thought I knew what I wanted. When we last met, I now know what I never needed.

[Radcliff]

Thanks for sharing!  Writing is a great way to process things.  I'm sure what you've written will resonate with many other members.

RC