My DD is Mirroring the Lonely Child in Me

[Houdini]

I've been doing a lot of research and self reflection around the idea of Mirroring and the Lonely or Vulnerable Child schema. While I have some of the traits - ok, a lot of the traits of the lonely child, I can also see the same traits in my DD19. We are going through a particularly confrontational period where we are triggering each other and not in a healthy way, and I am starting to see that we are actually mirroring one another. I have recently had a promotion at work that is way outside my comfort zone and has set my insecurities firing on all pistons and my DD is struggling with navigating all the choices (positive and negative) now available to her as an adult and not wanting to take responsibility for each of her decisions. I then step in and take control which she interprets as judging her to be incompetent. Nice dance we have going!

While I am starting to understand intellectually what is occurring during these conflicts, I still have a lot of work to do around effective communication and breaking the cycle of negativity/control while letting her know I love her and want to be there for her. Above all else, I don't want to loose out having a relationship with her.

This has been a huge aha for me and I am wondering if anyone else has experienced or is experiencing mirroring. I would love to hear your stories.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Houdini

Thx, this is a very interesting topic for me as my DD is on the verge of commencing schema therapy with her new T, well that was what she mentioned some weeks, ago. I'm going to ask where she is on that.

I know what you mean when you say you understand intellectually, and working on effective communication skills with your DD. Have you considered schema therapy for yourself, your lonely, vulnerable child?

Glad you've got to the aha moment through exploring schemas, I've yet to get there, more work to do 

A good conversation starter for many of us here, interested.

SELF ASSESSMENT: Schema Inventory

BEHAVIOURS: Mirroring is helpful, I relate to what zachira says...

I have recently had a promotion at work that is way outside my comfort zone and has set my insecurities firing on all pistons

That is hard, what's happening Houdini, what is 'outside your comfort zone'?

WDx