I learned the hard way after non stop arguments, suicide threats...

[SadtimesAZ]

Mod note: This thread was split from another discussion: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=339251.0

Lol witz, I'm an INFJ male. We look at things from all sides. As narc as it may sound my wife twisted everything to her perspective. I even had people text me things from her that were my advice to her twisted to be the bad guy. My ex was looking for excuses to blow off a long time "friend" who she was distancing herself from. I told my wife if you don't want to see her just tell her. The "friend" sent me a screenshot of the conversation between them, "his mom decided to come to town at the last minute and I didn't know and he wanted me to tell you to just f off". She had been triangulating people like that for years I had come to find out. I heard every excuse about not loving her or supporting her or understanding her for years even though she ran the house and I fell in line like a dog on a leash. She did it to her first husband too, luckily he only got it for about a year. Her first husband told everyone who would listen that she was crazy, and she said it was him who had the problem. I learned the hard way after non stop arguments, suicide threats, eating disorders, sleepless nights for 10 years what he meant.

[once removed]

it sounds like you really went through the wringer, between your ex and her family.

how are things now? are the two of you divorced or in the process?

[SadtimesAZ]

Yeah witz this is why I look more towards aspd traits in bpd. I've watched hours of police and FBI interrogations on diagnosed borderline women and aspd men. One hallmark of psychopathy is blame shifting. I always go back to jodi arias as an example. She murdered a man out of rage and then fabricated scenarios of masked intruders, pedophilia, physical abuse, psychological abuse all to deny or excuse what she had done. Chris Watts murdered his pregnant wife and 2 daughters and when questioned said his wife killed the girls so he killed her. Both were involved with other people outside their relationships and shifted blame onto their victims for their actions. Everyone has a reason for their actions, I hung on to my marriage for my son's sake and the all too common hoping things would change. She had a completely different idea and I know factually she was plotting behind my back and lying to my face daily for months. I knew my wife during her first divorce, she said "I wish he would just kill himself and leave me alone". He was a marine vet with PTSD. That is some cold blooded thinking right there and I should have walked away but I didn't. You can choose to accept whatever you want as reality and live with it but when your partner's reality is that flawed you really have to evaluate your own beliefs first.

[Red5]

...she said "I wish he would just kill himself and leave me alone". He was a marine vet with PTSD. That is some cold blooded thinking right there and I should have walked away but I didn't...

Yes it is, “cold blooded thinking”.

How many times have we read, high functioning malignant borderlines do not express empathy, and most borderlines at this end of the spectrum are also covert narcissist.

I’ve heard similar things leave the mind, and lips of my own udx bpd/npd wife, and I remember feeling a bit sick when she would say such things, because she was showing me whom she really is.

I think as time passes, their mask slips more and more, especially as they devalue you, as there is no longer a need, or will to cover it up,

To wish death upon another human being, is in my opinion the behavior of a psychopath, or a sociopath... it’s quite disturbing to hear this from your wife, and I have before, wow ; (

Red5

[SadtimesAZ]

Well red, I called the trait out in my ex step d a long time ago. At 12 years old she was wishing her horse would die for not doing what she wanted, wishing dogs would die for barking too much. By 15 it was full blown SI with drug use and self harming behaviors. The child spent her 16th birthday inpatient treatment. Doctors telling my wife her D has severe sociopathic traits, not knowing that mom put D there because she "wanted to teach her a lesson". I had warned her for years to get D away from her MGM but she didn't want anything to do with her. Mom had only been diagnosed herself 7 months earlier and left out all of her sadistic traits of lying to doctors. I've seen these traits through 4 women, 3 generations of the same family for over 10 years and there was drama constantly.

[Red5]

...I've seen these traits through 4 women, 3 generations of the same family for over 10 years and there was drama constantly.

Seems it’s ALWAYS generational SadtimesAZ...

#Me2... in first wife’s Foo, and now in second marriage, I can see back two generations.

Red5