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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: Not allowed to work  (Read 74 times)
SadtimesAZ

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Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: September 16, 2019, 12:33:14 PM »

As a man, not trying to be gender biased. Were you ever told by your bpd wife that you should not have a job? My ex always tried to find a way to sabotage my employment throughout our marriage. Wanting me to quit and come home. When she got a job finally she refused to pay for someone to watch our son so I could go back to work. I've read about this with men keeping their wives at home and not allowing them to work. It's actually listed as a recognized form of domestic violence by the National DV hotline. Any other men experience this besides me?
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ct21218
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« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2019, 12:51:20 PM »

I would think that's probably a more common behavior by controlling men.  I'm female and was the primary breadwinner so I absolutely have to work.  I would also be bored out of my mind without a job.
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SadtimesAZ

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« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2019, 02:01:10 PM »

Well that's the thing. I was not allowed to have anything nicer than her also. From a cell phone to a car. Nothing could be newer, nicer or better than what she had.
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Longterm
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« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2019, 02:07:24 PM »

 Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

Excerpt
  Were you ever told by your bpd wife that you should not have a job? 

Not told no, but my ex would sabotage my alarm clock so I would not wake up thus incurring the sack. Other times she convinced me to leave work because we didn't need the money. Lots of times she would convince me to have days off because she was "ill" or struggling with the kids she had contraceptives removed without telling me to have.

LT.
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It is, was, and always will be, all about her.
ct21218
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« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2019, 02:29:36 PM »

Well that's the thing. I was not allowed to have anything nicer than her also. From a cell phone to a car. Nothing could be newer, nicer or better than what she had.

My exhusband was very tit for tat.  If you buy this for yourself, then I get to buy something comparable or better.  It was super dysfunctional and eventually I stopped buying anything and he would bring up the past to justify his behavior. Like years past.  My most recent ex was not at all materialistic and I made quite a bit more than him.  I think it made him feel inadequate and he would try to control who I went out with as friends, I was always pressured to check in often.  I am pretty secure with myself, but his insecurity eventually drove us apart.
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