Using the tools here to manage my marriage break up

[RomanticFool]

I am glad I am now able to deal with my marriage break up unencumbered by the emotional volcano of my affair r/s. It means I can behave with love and compassion to my wife rather than being dictated by the ups and downs of involvement  with a volatile situation.

My wife was angry this morning and said she was thinking about moving out before Christmas. She told me she was staying out on Saturday night and was starting to pack her things. I told her there is no rush and she could stay as long as she likes until she is financially stable. She said there will be things she will want from the flat and I said she could take whatever she wanted and I would give her whatever money I am able to when she needs it. She is not going to contest ownership of my flat as she said I owned it before she moved in and we were married. She said she just not want to be out of pocket. I assured her that she will not be. I told her that I will always care about her wellbeing and will always consider her family. We both hope that we can remain friends. Her anger subsided and she said she will make a decision in early December about when she is moving out. We are both content with this arrangement and will start to pack up things in the flat and do a declutter to smooth her path out and make the flat habitable for the roommate I will need. It could be an awful lot worse and I am grateful I am behaving well and dealing with a reasonable human being.

[ct21218]

You are showing a lot of compassion for your wife, she has certainly been through a lot.  She sounds like a very decent person and I'm glad you can navigate this with her feelings in mind.  One thing, I would not bring ip your exgf to your wife, I think it is an unfair position to put her in.  She should not be the one to console you, you have lots of other friends you can reach out to.  

[RomanticFool]

The only time I mentioned my ex to my wife was last Sunday when I broke down in tears and my wife gave me a hug. It’s not love that is causing the upset it’s trauma. Aside from that I haven’t said a word about my ex other than answer the questions my wife has. She understands what happened and why and she said a couple of days ago that she wasn’t angry because she knows the r/s was dysfunctional and we were both remiss in addressing it. I think her anger may come and go and I said to her it was appropriate to be angry with me but she said she thought some of it was to do with PMT. I told her today that I would like to be grown up about it and that I could never feel anything other  than love and compassion for her. I do want the best for her and to see her happy moving forward.