Ex-spouse has BPD

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello, I'm new on this site. My ex-wife has been diagnosed with BPD, fairly recently. She has been engaging in entire evenings of texts between her and our son and between her and me. They alternate between ones signaling deep depression and angry paranoia. I'm worried that she is upsetting our son, and making him anxious about school and other things. I'm not sure how to steer her towards less impulsive behavior/messages, especially to our son. I've tried to give her advice (she recently lost her job), but she gets angry at me if I try to give her even simple advice. The situation is really creating anxiety for me (I didn't sleep at all last night), so any tools for helping her and taking care of myself and our son would be gratefully received.

[kwaidan]

Hello, I'm new on this site. My ex-wife has been diagnosed with BPD, fairly recently. She has been engaging in entire evenings of texts between her and our son and between her and me. They alternate between ones signaling deep depression and angry paranoia. I'm worried that she is upsetting our son, and making him anxious about school and other things. I'm not sure how to steer her towards less impulsive behavior/messages, especially to our son. I've tried to give her advice (she recently lost her job), but she gets angry at me if I try to give her even simple advice. The situation is really creating anxiety for me (I didn't sleep at all last night), so any tools for helping her and taking care of myself and our son would be gratefully received.

[worriedStepmom]

Welcome.  I'm sorry that you're in this situation, but you'll find a lot of support here.

How old is your son?  What kind of custody agreement do you have right now?  How long have you and your ex been separated?

These details will help us figure out how best to help.

[CoherentMoose]

Hello.  Welcome.  
How old is your Son?  
What is your shared parenting schedule?  
Consider reading (or listening to) Stop Walking On Eggshells (https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/1572246901/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=stop+walking+on+eggshells&qid=1569937920&s=gateway&sr=8-2) in order to better understand the possible types of behaviors your dealing with.  

Consider also reading Bill Eddy's Don't Alienate the Children and Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard Warshak.  You may also find this beneficial: www.drcachildress.org/asp/admin/getFile.asp?RID=63&TID=6&FN=pdf

There is a TON of information on this site and the folks who are regulars in here are amazing.  Continue to post as best you can.  Good luck. jdc