I’m so confused

[Jefferyman23]

My girlfriend told me today that she lost complete interest in me though wants to continue on as friends. It was all so sudden because just yesterday we were on great terms. I love her so much though I read the post on being really easily discarded. She also made claims it is in fact her. Is her recent action a result of her condition? Or does she just simply not have feelings for me anymore.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

She also made claims it is in fact her."

In other words, "it's not you, it's me." Certainly confusing and hurtful

What leads you to believe that she has BPD? How was your relationship previously?

[Jefferyman23]

My girlfriend told me she had been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. I told her that I would try my best to make things work because I still loved her. She wants to break up but it’s so random. On Sunday we were perfectly fine. I’m so confused and tired, I’ve been crying for hours because I’m so conflicted. If she lost interest can I salvage the relationship? She says she wants to carry on as friends but it’s messed up. I really just want help on what I should do. She’s the only girl who has really understood me and I know it sounds greedy but I don’t want to lose her.

[Jefferyman23]

Also our relationship had been perfectly healthy. I kept consistent contact with her, I always checked my boundaries, and no harsh words were thrown around. We had also gotten close physically and emotionally. Then all the sudden this happens. It makes no sense.

[Turkish]

MPD, now termed DID, sounds tough, but at least she was honest.

We have a discussion here:  COMPARISON: Dissociative Identity Disorder

If solely BPD, I would say that she might be distancing herself due to the core shame of a pwBPD ("I don't matter, I'm unlovable"), yet DID is another thing entirely, even if pwBPD manifest dissociative behaviors.

Do you perceive any trigger either on your part or something that happened? It sounds like you communicated well (see the tools in Lesson 3 at the top of the board for more).

I think helping her, no matter how well intentioned, might trigger more shame or fleeing behaviour. Focusing on what you can do on your side of the fence might be better.  What did you think?

[CryWolf]

This seems very similar to my initial break up. Do you think the relationship might have been going too well that it scared her? That becoming closer may have caused her to self sabotage the relationship maybe?

[gadget]

My wife of 30 years said the same thing when she left me 4 months ago.  It’s not you it’s me.  You are a great husband and father.

Our therapist says she is going through Compassionate Caregiver Overload from helping me care for our special needs son over the last 25 years.

Gadget