Hello everyone!
I'm curious to know if any of you have experienced from perhaps a loved one who was in a romantic relationship with a pwBPD, but is now no longer, who displays possible symptoms of aftermath of this relationship. By this I mean, short, clipped and almost annoyed or angry answers to a question or comment you make that really did not warrant such a reaction. Example:
Phone rings, my son looks down at it and says that was K (a new girl he has had a few dates with), but doesn't answer it.
I just nodded and didn't respond verbally. I really didn't have anything to say.
About 10 minutes later, phone rings again, he looks over to me and tells me that it was "K" again. I jokingly say, "Oh, playing hard to get, huh?"
He replies somewhat angrily, "I don't need to call her back just as soon as she calls me."
Okaay... I really didn't care if he called her back or not - it didn't matter to me one way or the other. I don't even know this girl and it's none of my business anyway. I was merely making a joke.
I too, have lots of anger still inside of me for things that occurred in the past while he was in the relationship with the pwBPD. There were quite a few instances where we were made to be "in the wrong" about subjects that he now has totally flipped on and agrees with what we originally had said. Yet, you put your family through hell over the situation and "painted us black," but all of a sudden we were right?
I know that I can't do anything to really change him, but I have thought of having a conversation with him about it, because I'm beginning to feel that I don't know how to really have a conversation with him anymore. No mom wants to feel that way; it feels terrible. I'm just tired of getting my head bit off!
Part of the conversation would consist of his sense of himself. The things he argued with us about in his previous relationship with his ex-uBP girlfriend are things that should be part of your values, beliefs, and what is at your core being - who you are and what you stand for - what is right and what is wrong. I don't feel these things should be wavering depending on who you are with. I also feel you can certainly have a relationship with someone and have different beliefs about things (for example, religious views), but if you wholeheartedly believe in God, or a higher power, you certainly wouldn't lose that faith just because someone you are involved does not believe in this. This is you - your beliefs, your standards, your values. They should not waver, because if they do, you would be just like chameleon who changes with whoever you are with, and take on their believes, values, etc... Very unhealthy, and a sense of not really knowing who you are.
This occurred with my son. How could things before be so "right" and we ended up hurt and in arguments with him, and now that you are no longer with her, you feel those same things were wrong?
After our visit yesterday with him, I found my mind, once again boggled but all this. I thought when they split up, the mind boggling was finally over for me. Obviously, I was wrong, because I'm still sitting here scratching my head!
Anyone else, or any other experiences anyone might have to share?