Re: How do you cope with constant suicide threats? Part 2

[FaithHopeLove]

This is a continuation of this thread.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=339611.0

Faith, have you considered attending a 2 day suicide prevention training? It may empower you, your son.

That sounds like a good idea. WD.. I will look into it when I return.

Thanks to the rest of you for the links. I am reading them now.
Also thanks for the support and the prayers.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[nonbordermom11]

Hi all...Faith, my heart goes out to you and what you are going through with your son. I hope everything turned out well. I love the advice this thread and site offers, it's informative and comforting. What is a 2 day suicide prevention course? Where can I find it? My DD also threatens suicide on a weekly basis. Telling her I will call the police also triggers her. (Not sure why) How is your son doing? How are you doing?

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Nonbordermom
Thanks for asking. I am still in Africa and have not heard from my son in the states for a couple of weeks now. He did post positive "hi mom. hope all is well" messages after the last suicide threat though so I am assuming no news is good news.
 

[nonbordermom11]

Faith...I hope your taking time to care for yourself, I agree with the no news is good news. You had a positive last post from him and I hope that has given you some peace. It usually does for me.. I will tell my DH that I just want to "enjoy" a pleasant last convo, but I don't know what the next will look like. I think time away mentally and physically is important. I can help you reflect and regroup your thoughts and plans for the future conflicts. Unfortunately, I'm learning this is not a quick fix but a long journey and our responses can be critical. My DD27 is away on her own, she is running out of money and now the verbal abuse and threats are escalating, which we figured it would. I tried to set my boundaries but I didn't make them clear so she poked holes and accused me of lying, etc. Her latest tactic was to text all my bro/sis and have them put pressure on me to give her the money I "promised" her. I ended up conceding and gave the money she asked (fed the monster), because it was me that wasn't clear..; note to others BE VERY CLEAR AND CONCISE ON BOUNDARIES. that was my lesson. Also, I need to stop the verbal attacks because it is now spilling over to her aunts and uncles who were shocked at her responses to some of them all in a group text. (They know what I'm going through and have been advising and helping me through this) Allowing her to speak to me in that manner has somehow given her the right to speak to others that way. I will also be setting that boundary. I discovered that every convo with her has been her demands and verbal abuse as she plays the victim. Any word I try to get in results in a suicide threat and hang up. It's getting worse. I know I spent time talking about myself but I really do hope you are taking this time to take care of yourself and also take some time to wrap your head around the situation. Based on posts I have read you have such a good grip on this and DO know the answers. Trust yourself. I'm still new and learning and making my mistakes...Like I told my family has I handed the money over after I gave her the initial $1,000...I fed the monster for this long whats one more day to just have peace...but NOW I am preparing my boundaries.

[nonbordermom11]

*It can help you reflect...

[FaithHopeLove]

Thanks Nonbordermom
I am in the middle of a teaching mission in Liberia which is hard but totally my thing. For me that is self care.

I hear you about the need for super clear boundaries. None of us learn this all at once. It really is a process. You seem to be making great progress. Keep it up!

[PeaceMom]

Great insight here, thank you both. I’m taking notes. My DD is a master at poking holes in what I have agreed to do/not do. I find it difficult to play by the rules myself because she is always changing the entire game and when she is in overload it’s “I’m going to kill myself”. Hard to find any peace when you live with that 24/7.
Faith, I’m so glad you are in a good spot doing what you love. I dream about joining the Peace Corp and serving those who might actually be appreciative. Having a passion and working at it daily might just be the very best form of self care. I’m cheering you on from Texas!

[livednlearned]

He did post positive "hi mom. hope all is well" messages after the last suicide threat

SD22 has a similar cycle. She will express suicidal thoughts and then it's like nothing happened.

Do you feel your response to his suicidal threats is changing?

[FaithHopeLove]

Do you feel your response to his suicidal threats is changing?

That is a good question Huat. I think I am doing a little better at staying center. Not a lo but a little. There is progress.