Hi and welcome Thayan!
I'm glad you've found us here, though I'm sorry for the circumstances that led you to us. This is a supportive site full of people who "get it."
That's great that your wife is so open to things. So many people here aren't that fortunate, as you know.
1) I, too, dealt with detachment. I still pull away when I can sense my H is in one of his moods. In a way, that's been helpful because I don't react with panic or fear or anxiety the way I used to. But it can also be dangerous to the relationship. That healthy balance is hard to find and it's something I still struggle with. I try to embrace the good times while not forgetting that it's temporary. But I'll also be very interested to hear what others have to say.
2) Have you tried journaling? I started doing it late last year and it's been very helpful. It helped me clarify my own feelings and helped me to remember what happened and when. I tend to forget some things -- like a trauma response, really -- and having it written down is a good way to remind myself of how things can get, to look back and see what I can do differently, and spot patterns.
When he was in his big dysregulation phase, I also had a calendar (at work -- not someplace he'd ever see it) where I'd sort of chart his mood, looking for patterns and progress like you.
I hope you'll keep posting -- here and in other members' threads. You never know when you can help someone else.
