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Author Topic: Nightmare that she had committed suicide.  (Read 74 times)
incognitoMe

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
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« on: October 04, 2019, 08:19:09 AM »

I had a nightmare that woke me up this morning involving my ex with BPD.  I dreamed we were still together, and I confronted her about changing.  I later came home to find that she had committed suicide.  I woke soaked in sweat.  Not the best way to start my Friday.  
« Last Edit: October 04, 2019, 08:21:45 AM by Harri, Reason: changed title pursuant to guideline 1.5 » Logged
clvrnn
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Broken Up
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« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2019, 08:21:03 AM »

Sorry to hear this, dreams - especially these kinds of stress dreams - can really affect the rest of our day, moodwise. Why do you think you had such an intense dream? Has she been on your mind more often recently?
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incognitoMe

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« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2019, 09:07:29 AM »

Sorry to hear this, dreams - especially these kinds of stress dreams - can really affect the rest of our day, moodwise. Why do you think you had such an intense dream? Has she been on your mind more often recently?

She has been going around cutting mutual friends out of her life saying she wouldn't be friends with anybody friends with me, while claiming I was "abusive" for trying to "force her into therapy." 

It was also a year ago September 18th we moved in together.  I've been having a lot of flashbacks to last year lately.  That was back when I didn't know about her mental illness. This time last year I was already perplexed by her behavior, but was still hopeful.  I was trying like hell to make her happy, and thinking I could fix it.

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Lucky Jim
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2019, 09:52:29 AM »

Excerpt
I was trying like hell to make her happy, and thinking I could fix it.

Right, IM.  I suspect most of us have been in your shoes.  The reality is one can't "fix" BPD, which is an incredibly complex disorder.  Took me along time to grasp that I am responsible for my own happiness, but not that of another adult.

LJ
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
Alixor
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« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2019, 05:24:14 AM »

It's part of our caretaker tendencies. They are like fragile birds to some of us, and it's hard to fully let it go. My recent BPD ex is very low-functioning, ordered sodium nitrate after one of our arguments, and it seems like a matter of time before she's going to commit a suicide. The things she has done to me.. an apology would be f**king joke, yet i still retain compassion towards her and would feel bad if she ever ends up killing herself.
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NC - 07.10.2019
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