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Author Topic: I just feel paralyzed and don't know how to respond  (Read 132 times)
luvsnotenough

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« on: October 09, 2019, 10:29:04 AM »

I get a text message from my daughter... "I am at the end of my rope", which I don't respond to right away as I was just going to work and this kind of statement is not unusual.  On my lunch I ask how she is doing... in response I get that she spent the night on the bathroom floor throwing up bile, I ask did she get the stomach flu that her 7 yr old had had the day before.  She responds no, I drank straight vodka and prayed to god to take me, believing I am a terrible mother and the kids would be better off with my ex-husband.

But don't tell dad she says. And when her sister asked her how she was doing that next day, she told her fine, everything is fine.  She went to work....at a hospital daycare.... then she went to work at the hospital sitting with non compliant patients.  And just like that she's functioning normally.  What am I supposed to think?  React?

She was dx with BPD, doesn't accept it, her husband divorced her, she has 50% custody, barely makes ends meet financially, has Type 1 Diabetes.... her life is very hard and I get that totally.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Rosheger

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« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2019, 10:49:57 PM »

I am pretty new to this site and know others will respond to you with more wisdom but wanted you to know I read your post and feel compassion.  I too have felt paralyzed and uncertain but am learning a lot reading the book “loving someone with Bpd”.  Hugs, Rosh
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FaithHopeLove
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« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2019, 11:30:04 PM »

I am sorry to hear this. It is a quandry. Your daughter is being self destructive and does not seem open to help. Plus children are involved. Were they home when she did this? Is she in any kind of therapy? Why do you think she confided in you?
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Faith
luvsnotenough

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« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2019, 08:51:52 AM »

Thank you both for your responses.  To answer your question Faith, I think she wants my reaction and attention.  When I did finally respond yesterday I told her I realize what a difficult situation she is in but in no way would I keep secrets from my her dad or her sister who lives down the street from her, since I live far away.  What I believe she is always looking for is for me to come help her.  But that is not possible now.  And yes the kids were at home, she made the comment that she waited til they were in bed and happy.... then she will say she was not in her right mind because she had run out of her meds...and now she is ok, still not a good but not so dark.  She works with suicidal people and is going to school to help such people... which is pretty ironic.  She has great empathy and the ability to relate to people - she is a magnet for hurting people.  A part of me ( and the rest of our family) believes it would be best for her to come live with her dad and I for a while and give the kids to their dad, at least for the rest of the school year.  So she can get some help and not have to struggle financially in such a small town where everyone knows your business.  But she would reject that idea most likely.  The kids need stability of course....
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FaithHopeLove
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« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2019, 09:19:09 AM »

I agree that the kids need stability. Your daughter also needs help. It is so sad she is not open to it. I am actually not surprised that she works with suicidal people. Maybe in a way she is helping herself by helping them. Do you think that might be the case? Do you think talking with her about this work might be a good lead in to talking to her about getting help for herself?
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Faith
livednlearned
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« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2019, 11:30:06 AM »

But don't tell dad she says. And when her sister asked her how she was doing that next day, she told her fine, everything is fine. 

What does she gain from you not telling dad?

What does she lose if you don't tell him?

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