Now that the dust is settling

[RomanticFool]

After an extended period without my ex and my wife planning to move out in February, I now find myself alone and contemplative. This is a great opportunity for me to take stock of my relationships.

What have I learnt? Take a rest from relationships and work on the damage that has led me to pursue relationships two possible BPD women and my wife who in many ways was love avoidant with me. I’ve been looking at my own emotional life specifically around the areas of abandonment and emotional over reactivity.  When I eventually do have another relationship I’ll have to avoid pursuing damaged women. Look for signs of trouble in the early stages of the r/s: Emotional dependency, hypersexuality, lack of empathy and emotional volatility. Look at my own emotional dependency and hypersexuality. Address the inner emptiness I feel and to stop looking for a woman to fix me. This is a very difficult time in my life. I hope it will be a turning point towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships for both myself and my future partner.

[Longterm]

Look at my own emotional dependency and hypersexuality. Address the inner emptiness I feel and to stop looking for a woman to fix me.  

I think we need to be comfortable in our own skin and be happy on our own rather than looking for someone to "make" us happy, because that's a fools errand. Once we are whole we will make much better partners moving forward, but also attract a different type of partner.

  This is a very difficult time in my life

Yes it is, we all understand the emotional damage done by these types of relationships and we all understand your pain.

   I hope it will be a turning point towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships for both myself and my future partner.

There is no bigger opportunity here for you to address your own issues, this is your turning point, the choice of course, is yours.

Pick an issue, let's discuss.

LT.

[Skip]

So many of us exit these relationships and think that the future is about spotting character red flags.

I might rethink that and shift to trying to know what the character green flags are.

We do this in most of other endeavors. Learning how to golf, for example, is learning the green flags (not so much avoiding the red flags).

Of course we want to be able to screen for the obvious problems - but he real challenge is to know what a good relationship takes, who is the type of person that can be that partner, and what do we have to do to be attractice to them (have the green flags they want to see).

[once removed]

Take a rest from relationships and work on the damage

i agree that overlapping relationships, using a new relationship to get over the last one, these things often dont end well. i believe grief should be acknowledged and honored and that recovery should be a priority.

i was single for three years before i got with the ex that brought me here (and furthermore, i made dumb choices after that). i had done my share of introspection.

so abstaining from relationships and introspection, alone, are not all they are cracked up to be. in the same way, there are plenty of people for whom "getting back out there" is a sign that theyre moving forward; plenty healthy.

the turning point for me came when i realized this was far more about me, who i was as a partner, what i brought to relationships, my views on relationships and what a healthy relationship looked like, than abstinence and introspection. i had to open my heart and my mind to education. introspection was based on my own limited understanding and in a lot of ways self serving. and abstinence blamed external causes.

I hope it will be a turning point towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships for both myself and my future partner.

its ideal, but hoping for it wont make it so any more than the likelihood of winning the lottery.

you have to become that person. it takes work.

[RomanticFool]

I am engaged in the work now. I think it is important for me to understand that no matter what I did in my last r/s, I most likely would not have been able to make it work long term. The holiday we took in July was the best it was ever going to be and my ex was relaxed and for the most part content. There were still outbursts of rage most notably at the airport when she had to pay 5 Euros for a drink and queue for a while. She told me to get it myself next time. I could have tempered my reaction at all times and it would undoubtedly have made my life easier but I think she didn't want the r/s as time went on. That is what I've been struggling with and trying to understand that for her not getting her needs met by me whenever she needed them met played a part in the breakdown of the r/s. My reactions to her often childish demands were also a problem. She didn't want to see me as a man with my own emotional life, she wanted me to be there for her. I wasn't able to fully process this at the time because I was too busy reacting on my emotions. The beginning of the r/s went so well because we were both on our best behaviour and I was only too happy to be there for her during her hospital appointments and I looked after her. I believe that what she needed was a 'hunter/provider' who was not going to be given to emotional displays. She wanted me calm and in my wise mind all of the time. Her own emotional life could not accommodate any neediness in me.

The work I am currently doing on myself is to examine where my own emotional dependency comes from. On one level I am actually quite happy being a caretaker fr a beautiful woman. I could have looked after her and been happy about it as I was so in love with her that the occasional mood swing wouldn't have mattered. The trouble is that is wasn't just the occasional mood swing, it was often hour by hour or minute by minute sometimes. Some of this was due to the situation and I am not underestimating that, but some of it was also to do with who she is. Do I really want a partner who hits me and shouts at me in the street? I think that pathology would have played itself out even if I'd left my marriage right at the outset and moved in with her. She is not yet at a place where she can accommodate somebody else's emotional life, she is too busy looking after hers. That was the fatal mistake I made. The times she stayed away from me was when I became emotional. That is not to excuse her WhatsApp threats and accusations of abuse and the ST she visited upon me, but I can at least see now where I went wrong with her. I think ultimately her demanding, aggressive personality would have clashed with me. I don't suffer fools gladly and making threats and painting me black was never acceptable to me. However, had I understood more about her triggers and tried to be smarter I may have kept her onside for longer, but ultimately I suspect it would have been doomed to failure. I tend to stay in r/s and she tends to leave.

I am going to look into what childhood wounds made me stay with her. Look at whether the love I have for my mother was neglected and whether every rejection in adult life is reliving this childhood trauma. I suspect that is the case. As much as I loved my ex, I don't think feeling suicidal was ever really about her. Sure I miss her and feel a sense of loss but there has to be more to it than that to drive me to suicidal ideation. I intend to get to the bottom of it. I don't think it's just about recognising red flags in others, I think it's about what attracts me emotionally and what makes me so emotionally volatile when enmeshed with someone I feel is indispensible. That is the work I am currently engaged in.

[Pytagoras]

I think i am more or less in the same position as you are. I find my self alone and contemplative most of the days.

I think it is important for me to understand that no matter what I did in my last r/s, I most likely would not have been able to make it work long term.

It's important to me too. At least in the begining of the detachment.

She wanted me calm and in my wise mind all of the time.

I find that my exBPDgf wanted that from me too. And the meanwhile she was attacking me more and more often. The more calmer, the more she hated me. It's her script.

But it's more important that you do your own reflections about your self, as you are doing.

[Skip]

How are things going?

[RomanticFool]

Things are very difficult but thank you for asking.  There are significant changes in the way that I am approaching life. I have managed to maintain friendships with the two women I declined to have a relationship with and I am concentrating on maintaining cordial relationships with my wife who is moving out in February. She has said that she is not going to make me sell the flat as she doesn’t want to take the home out from under me. We have agreed that when I come to sell the flat I will give her a percentage of the profits. I only own 40% of the flat so it won’t be that much money but she also asked me to will the flat to her in the event of my death. I don’t see any problem with that at the moment but a year or two down the line it could make a difference. However, I have also been advised that I am entitled to some of the proceeds of her five pensions but I don’t feel like enforcing any of that. She said that she has no imminent plans to file for divorce as she wants me to get back on my feet financially. I will pay her some money for the television, sofa and dining table which will enable me to rent a room in the flat. I have no doubt that we will work things out to the satisfaction of us both and she has told me that she hopes we can be friends and meet for coffee. She spent her birthday yesterday with her new man and it’s difficult to take even though I’m not jealous. I’m working through my emotions.

I have completed the first three steps in SLAA and I am about to begin step 4. Even though my thoughts of my ex are still strong, the agony is beginning to wane slightly. I look back on the relationship and I can see that she was pulling away from me as long ago as last May.. It is clear to me now that she never saw me as a long term partner and probably decided after she broke up with me around my birthday that I was history. While I still feel a bit angry here and there at the way she treated me, I can at least see my own part in the r/s now.  I also think that the threats she made and the physical abuse indicate that I should never have been in a r/s with her anyway. Regardless of who did what to whom, I think it’s important for me to acknowledge that she is not somebody I could ever have had a r/s with. She was new to recovery when we met, I was married and she had terrible abandonment issues which me being married triggered, which she reacted to by pushing me away. This in turn triggered my abandonment fears which I reacted to with anger and by pushing her away. That is the dynamic we played out and in the end she lost interest. She believed that I was the cause of the toxicity and that I was a narcissist and I believe she used the grey rock technique and Silent Treatment to discard me. She showed an incredible lack of empathy towards me at the end and I in turn refused to chase her after she dumped me a second time. I was tired of the toxicity which I believe was being driven by her devaluation of me. When I told her that I was splitting up from my wife, the woman who had practically begged me for 9 months to leave was totally disinterested. In my book that can only mean that I had been replaced. I may be wrong about that but I did try to engage her in a conversation a couple of times after the discard and she wasn’t interested. I just couldn’t bring myself to invite her to my play after she discarded me a second time without an apology which was never going to be forthcoming. In an act of desperation to get her back I did invite her two weeks into the performance but by then it was too late. She clearly wanted me to fall over myself to get her back and I was just too beaten up. I still miss her terribly but I am slowly slowly detaching and trying to discover who I am without a partner.

RF

[Skip]

She was new to recovery when we met, I was married and she had terrible abandonment issues which me being married triggered, which she reacted to by pushing me away. This in turn triggered my abandonment fears which I reacted to with anger and by pushing her away. That is the dynamic we played out and in the end she lost interest. She believed that I was the cause of the toxicity and that I was a narcissist and I believe she used the grey rock technique and Silent Treatment to discard me.

It's good that you are seeing the complete chemical reaction.

A hard learned lesson for me is that finding the right partner is about finding the right chemical reaction. Some men are often hyper-focused on the physical appeal of a partner and that is a high risk formula. Women generally do a better job at this.

Can you see what this formula needs to be in the future?

If you stay on your current life path and style, what type of partner will work?

Your wife worked, in a sense (she was loyal and forgiving). But you lost interest.

Your affairs partners worked, in a sense (impulsive, risk junkies, sexy, wide open emotionally from the start, fantasy seekers). Problem with impulsive or fantasy seeking women is that loss interest when the reality tarnishes the fantasy. Siren (mythology).

What's the formula will work for you? On the female side of the equation? On the male side of the equation? In your future love life, who are you looking for and who do you need to be to attack her and be yourself.

We have over 100,000 members. If you look at where there were before they entered into their BPD relationship, a high percentage were rebounding off a painful loss.

[RomanticFool]

It's good that you are seeing the complete chemical reaction.

A hard learned lesson for me is that finding the right partner is about finding the right chemical reaction. Some men are often hyper-focused on the physical appeal of a partner and that is a high risk formula. Women generally do a better job at this.

Part of me still wants to blame her for the brutality of the discard, the lack of empathy that she showed me at the end (and sometimes during) and for the physical violence. However, as time progresses and the agony subsides a few degrees, I have to look at the full picture. When we first met I told her that my marriage was over and that we would be free to have a relationship soon. I then told my wife within two weeks that I had a 'crush' on a woman in AA. Had I followed through on my promise to my ex we may have had a chance of a less toxic r/s. She told me last year that had I stuck to my word she would never have mistrusted me about anything. Given her pathology I doubt that, but it would certainly have reduced the tension between us and more importantly her abandonment issues. I'm sure other issues would have arisen and I would have seen her rages sooner or later, but that shillyshallying and lack of honesty killed any chance of having a relationship or leaving my marriage with a degree of integrity.

I spoke to my wife tonight about the whole affair. I have apologised to her many times and told her that I feel shame around the way I lied to her. She told me that our marriage was over when I told her that I had a crush and I should have been honest enough to follow through on my chosen course of action. I explained to her that what happened was I saw her break down in tears and didn't have the courage to go through with leaving. On top of that I knew instinctively that there were issues with my ex, particularly her invitation to stay with her during any marriage break up had a financial string attached to it. This made me concerned about financial insecurity. My wife said I'm not a bad person but I am an emotional coward. I think my ex felt exactly the same thing.

So my cowardice goes back to before I met my ex. When the subject of marriage was raised with my wife, we already hadn't slept together for over two years. I knew marriage was not a good idea. I raised this with my wife and told her that rather than getting married we should be thinking about splitting up if we couldn't be intimate with each other. Once again, a good instinct was ignored by myself. I have lacked the courage of my convictions in many relationships. I have always found it difficult to finish relationships because I have not wanted to hurt the other person. Regarding my ex, I should have walked away the first time she hit me. Once again I lacked the courage of my convictions. Quite apart from hurting my wife and also my ex, I have short changed myself. I have not been able to live up to my own values. This is a key area that I am addressing in SLAA and in therapy. Why do I stay in relationships that are not good for me? The answer is fear of being alone. Fear of scarcity rather than abundance in life. Plus a strong emotional and sexual dependency which happened very quickly with my ex. That's the whole picture as I see it right now. It's a lack of moral fibre really. I need to change that. In future do what's right.

Can you see what this formula needs to be in the future?

I have met up with two other women since breaking up with my ex and my wife telling me that our marriage is over for her. I wanted friendship with both of these women and the first one who is healthy has been happy to be my friend. The second woman is a long standing friend of mine in AA has not been happy to just be friends. She offered me a shoulder to cry on, several meals and an invitation to see the orchestra who she works for. I agreed to meet her friends in the orchestra (and some adversaries) and she paraded me around and got some kudos from having me on her arm. I realised very quickly that she had more on her mind than friendship and told her many times that I am not in a position to have a r/s. She hasn't been listening and continued to develop a fantasy around what she thought our r/s could be and despite my warnings to remain in the reality she has allowed herself to see me as a potential partner. She effectively handed all her power over to me and told me that I had to be gentle with her and should look after her heart just as she was looking after mine. I reminded her that we were not in a r/s. She continued to ignore my boundary and told me that she loved my company and hoped in a few months when I had recovered that I would sleep with her. Yesterday, I told her that I felt she was being manipulative and offering strings attached friendship in the hope of having a r/s. I told her that I empathised with her position but I couldn't allow the situation to continue. She told me that all she was doing was looking out for me because she cared so much and was worried about my mental state. I thanked her and apologised for any misunderstanding that I may have contributed to and said that perhaps I had been naive thinking we could just be close friends. She hasn't spoken to me since. She is upset and hurt and probably feels humiliated. I have never said those words to a woman before and I felt awful. I apologised once again today and said I hoped she was ok. She still hasn't spoken to me. My SLAA sponsor says that as long as I was honest with her, I am not responsible for her emotional well-being. This has been a hard lesson to learn. By that rationale my ex wasn't responsible for my emotional well-being either. I suppose the difference is that I was with my ex for a year whereas this woman I have only been back in contact with for weeks. But the fact is I set a boundary because I saw emotional damage that I knew would not be conducive to a healthy r/s. Perhaps my ex saw emotional damage in me that turned her off. I could say that she caused that emotional damage by blowing hot and cold and doing BPDish type behaviour. But the lesson learnt is that none of us are ultimately responsible for anybody else's emotional well-being. We all have to look after ourselves. I've never seen relationships in those terms before.

If you stay on your current life path and style, what type of partner will work?

Somebody like my wife but with whom I am sexually compatible. Somebody who excites me and interests me like my ex but without the damage.

Your wife worked, in a sense (she was loyal and forgiving). But you lost interest.

Your affairs partners worked, in a sense (impulsive, risk junkies, sexy, wide open emotionally from the start, fantasy seekers). Problem with impulsive or fantasy seeking women is that loss interest when the reality tarnishes the fantasy. Siren (mythology).

What's the formula will work for you? On the female side of the equation? On the male side of the equation? In your future love life, who are you looking for and who do you need to be to attack her and be yourself.

I guess as I've stated above. Neither an avoidant nor a Siren. I married my wife because I saw her integrity and trusted her (ironic). I knew I had a good woman. My ex excited me and enticed me with her sexuality and bi polar inspired intellectual meanderings. She was tactile and emotionally and sexually intense. I want a healthy version of all of this. The question is whether or not that exists. Will I feel the same with something less intense but healthier?

I need to be more emotionally balanced and serene. I need to stay in my wise head. I think expecting myself not to be emotional as my ex really wanted, probably is unrealistic. I believe my ex couldn't cope with my emotional extremities because her own emotional life was so out of control. She needed a calm wise head who could balance her when she became fearful and avoidant. I can see now that I probably am not that man. I use my emotions in my work and probably need to avoid a person like my ex who cannot tolerate strong emotions in a man. She needs a calm and wise head who will reason her into safety. I have to accept that I am a little more fiery than that. I can work on my over reactions to things and temper them as I managed to do with my wife. My wife told me today that she has never found me difficult to deal with or dangerously volatile. She said that the temperament I had when we first met has largely calmed and evened itself out. I was clearly a different person with my ex who was volatile and unpredictable. My wife was the opposite. I need to be with somebody who doesn't bring out the worst in me. I also need to work on my own emotional and sexual dependency and co-dependency issues. I need to stop craving unhealthy women.

We have over 100,000 members. If you look at where there were before they entered into their BPD relationship, a high percentage were rebounding off a painful loss.

Yes indeed. This is exactly what I am trying to avoid right now. I had a 45 minute phone assessment with a counsellor who will now hopefully refer me to a therapist on the NHS. I am keen to go into therapy to supplement my SLAA work.

[Skip]

Somebody like my wife but with whom I am sexually compatible. Somebody who excites me and interests me like my ex but without the damage.

I guess as I've stated above. Neither an avoidant nor a Siren. I married my wife because I saw her integrity and trusted her (ironic). I knew I had a good woman. My ex excited me and enticed me with her sexuality and bi polar inspired intellectual meanderings. She was tactile and emotionally and sexually intense. I want a healthy version of all of this. The question is whether or not that exists. Will I feel the same with something less intense but healthier?

That's the question, for sure. Let's break it down.

You married on one end of the spectrum and built your relationships with people on the other end.  It was your three legged stool. If you remember, 2 years ago we shared the conventional wisdom that removing one of the legs would bring the stool down.

Look at how it happened. You were years into a relationship with a "siren type" (married women) and when that ended you went into a relationships with a sexuality timid women who was loyal/trustworthy. In a few years you were backed with siren 1, then siren 2.

The BPD women I dated (15 years ago) gave me the most intense relationship of my life. It was an awesome love experience, she was wholesome, loving, loyal, her kids loved me... but the very "energy" that made for all this wonderfulness made for an extremely sad and hurtful ending. It was uphill for two years then sliding down for two years.

I met more people like her in the following years. I was able to navigate out pretty quickly. I met some safer women, but I had to abort those two. I came to realize that the problem was me. I had the wrong priorities for a romantic partner and I was looking for love in the wrong place. I had to rethink what a relationship is. I really didn't have a meaningful vision of what a good life partner means. Who I should be. Who my partner should be.

One thing you have comment on before is your attraction to instant boundary-less, let's go for it, unconventional women. The last three affairs were that.

I don't think you are going to find a healthy version of that in a women in your age.

I sense from things that you have said that you know this and you are willing (or feel limited) to pursue women that are on an unhealthy spectrum, just hopefully not too unhealthy, and that you hope you will be able to manage them better by taming your own re-activeness.

Is this kinda where you are? If so, do you think it will make a significant difference?

 









I need to be more emotionally balanced and serene. I need to stay in my wise head. I think expecting myself not to be emotional as my ex really wanted, probably is unrealistic. I believe my ex couldn't cope with my emotional extremities because her own emotional life was so out of control. She needed a calm wise head who could balance her when she became fearful and avoidant. I can see now that I probably am not that man. I use my emotions in my work and probably need to avoid a person like my ex who cannot tolerate strong emotions in a man. She needs a calm and wise head who will reason her into safety. I have to accept that I am a little more fiery than that. I can work on my over reactions to things and temper them as I managed to do with my wife. My wife told me today that she has never found me difficult to deal with or dangerously volatile. She said that the temperament I had when we first met has largely calmed and evened itself out. I was clearly a different person with my ex who was volatile and unpredictable. My wife was the opposite. I need to be with somebody who doesn't bring out the worst in me. I also need to work on my own emotional and sexual dependency and co-dependency issues. I need to stop craving unhealthy women.

Yes indeed. This is exactly what I am trying to avoid right now. I had a 45 minute phone assessment with a counsellor who will now hopefully refer me to a therapist on the NHS. I am keen to go into therapy to supplement my SLAA work.




[/quote]

[RomanticFool]

That's the question, for sure. Let's break it down.

You married on one end of the spectrum and built your relationships with people on the other end.  It was your three legged stool. If you remember, 2 years ago we shared the conventional wisdom that removing one of the legs would bring the stool down.

Look at how it happened. You were years into a relationship with a "siren type" (married women) and when that ended you went into a relationships with a sexuality timid women who was loyal/trustworthy. In a few years you were backed with siren 1, then siren 2.

Pretty accurate summing up. Siren 2 was also a mother and somebody who appeared to want to be healthy. When she started pulling away from me in the r/s, I was never sure whether it was a desire to be healthy or push/pull. Perhaps it was elements of both. However, her behaviour towards me at the end was almost psychopathic. I have never met somebody who had absolutely no empathy or affection for me at the end of a r/s. I am still struggling to come to terms with this but I guess she probably feels justified by focusing on what she felt was my bad behaviour.  I really want to believe that she wasn't BPD but simply a newly sober woman struggling with her own emotional life who felt I over-reacted to her and was therefore abusive. However, the level of rage and demonisation as demonstrated by her extraordinary WhatsApp messages testifying to my Epstein levels of abuse, suggest I was dealing with a personality disorder and I was ill equipped to manage it. I would have had a better chance if I was free to be with her but I can only fantasise about what that relationship would have looked like. May well have ended up with me becoming homeless had I moved in with her because I would have rented my flat out.

The BPD women I dated (15 years ago) gave me the most intense relationship of my life. It was an awesome love experience, she was wholesome, loving, loyal, her kids loved me... but the very "energy" that made for all this wonderfulness made for an extremely sad and hurtful ending. It was uphill for two years then sliding down for two years.

I met more people like her in the following years. I was able to navigate out pretty quickly. I met some safer women, but I had to abort those two. I came to realize that the problem was me. I had the wrong priorities for a romantic partner and I was looking for love in the wrong place. I had to rethink what a relationship is. I really didn't have a meaningful vision of what a good life partner means. Who I should be. Who my partner should be.

Thats pretty much where I'm at too. My ex's 17 year old daughter liked me a great deal at the beginning because I made her mother happy. Despite the fact that she witnessed her mother physically attacking (once) and shouting at me on a number of occasions, she decided I was the problem. I knew right away that the r/s could not survive that because no matter what her mother did, she would perceive me as the cause. I guess she was right too. By the end of the r/s my ex declared that 'we don't get on' and I wanted to say to her, 'well stop hitting me and shouting at me and we might.' What I should have said to her was, 'I absolutely adore you and I would love to change our dynamic. What do I need to do to make you feel happy with me?' I was too busy doing battle with her. Big mistake.

One thing you have comment on before is your attraction to instant boundary-less, let's go for it, unconventional women. The last three affairs were that.

I don't think you are going to find a healthy version of that in a women in your age.

I sense from things that you have said that you know this and you are willing (or feel limited) to pursue women that are on an unhealthy spectrum, just hopefully not too unhealthy, and that you hope you will be able to manage them better by taming your own re-activeness.

Is this kinda where you are? If so, do you think it will make a significant difference?

My ex is precisely the type of woman I want: tactile, loving, intelligent, strong, sexual and spontaneous (impulsive is more accurate). Life with her was never going to be boring. Unfortunately she was also violent, selfish, empathy impaired, disloyal, controlling and punitive. I would love to find somebody who has the first lot of qualities without the second part. My biggest problem in life is I've always believed I could find those qualities in a healthy woman. I seriously doubt that now. I don't kid myself that I could control a woman with BPDish behaviour. My experience has taught me otherwise. I never want to go through what I am going through now again. I have no idea how I can negotiate relationships through the rest of my life. My big fear now is that I will look wistfully back on my ex as the last chance I had of being in the kind of r/s that makes me feel alive.

[gizmocasci]

i was single for three years before i got with the ex that brought me here (and furthermore, i made dumb choices after that). i had done my share of introspection.

so abstaining from relationships and introspection, alone, are not all they are cracked up to be. in the same way, there are plenty of people for whom "getting back out there" is a sign that theyre moving forward; plenty healthy.

the turning point for me came when i realized this was far more about me, who i was as a partner, what i brought to relationships, my views on relationships and what a healthy relationship looked like, than abstinence and introspection. i had to open my heart and my mind to education. introspection was based on my own limited understanding and in a lot of ways self serving. and abstinence blamed external causes.

its ideal, but hoping for it wont make it so any more than the likelihood of winning the lottery.

you have to become that person. it takes work.

this here makes so much sense. i also had been single for 3 years before meeting my ex. in fact i went a year with-out intamcy or really anyone else in the picture for that matter.

when i originally met her, i thought she was really going to be my last, but i guess the joke was on me. looking back now, she taught me how to stand up for myself and have my own back, and most importantly what i didn't want in a relationship going forward. i think introspection is a must, but it isn't an end game. also don't spend too long in absitnence as well, because then you won't be able to test out your introspection period. did i pass this particular lesson? i guess time will tell.

best of luck

r