Just learned my spouse has BPD...

[Maritalcrisis]

I just learned from my therapist that my wife likely has BPD given her style of communications with me, including in writing.  We are separated and after four months of working on myself, it turns out she views me in shocking and angry manner, this after 32 years of marriage.  Her communications are an example of splitting, which I had no idea what that was until my therapist told me this week.

I am at a loss.  I am told I need to detach from her and look after myself.  It seems no matter what I say, its viewed through her glasses of anger, control and manipulation. 

Signed,

 Marital Crisis

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi Marital Crisis and welcome.

I moved your thread from the son/daughter board to the bettering board so you will get more appropriate feedback given your situation.  Even if you remain separated or proceed to divorce, you will learn some skills and tools that will help you cope better and improve communication with your wife.

I am at a loss.  I am told I need to detach from her and look after myself.  It seems no matter what I say, its viewed through her glasses of anger, control and manipulation.

What do you want?  Do you want to try to improve things and reconcile or do you want to move on to divorce?  It is okay if you do not know.  We can support you either way.

Please share more as you feel comfortable.  In the meantime, settle in and read.  We have a lot of articles tacked to the top of the board here.

Again