Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
May 07, 2024, 07:48:55 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Books members most read
105
The High
Conflict Couple
Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder
Loving the
Self-Absorbed
Borderline Personality
Disorder Demystified
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
NPD/BPD Ex contacting my family post divorce
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: NPD/BPD Ex contacting my family post divorce (Read 405 times)
I_Am_The_Fire
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 279
NPD/BPD Ex contacting my family post divorce
«
on:
November 01, 2019, 11:04:49 AM »
It's been over 3 years since I divorced my ex (NPD/BPD). He recently sent my mother a postcard telling her how great his life is without me, what a horrible person I am, and so on. He and my mother rarely spoke during the 20 some years we were married. She doesn't even live anywhere close by.
During the divorce, he tried many times to isolate me from my friends and family with multiple smear campaign attempts. It didn't work. My friends and family have blocked him on social media and don't associate with him whatsoever anymore. Any ideas why he did this? Why my mother? It seems weird and I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it. Maybe somewhere deep down he seeks approval from my mother possibly because his mom is NPD and criticizes a lot. My mother is the opposite of his mother.
Also trying to figure out why it bothers me. Possibly because my mom went through a lot with my dad (deceased 20+ years ago). He was NPD and abusive and my ex's actions sometimes can trigger her. Maybe he's actually miserable and is lashing out at those closest to me because he's not getting any reactions from me that he wants to see.
Logged
"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style" ~ Maya Angelou
Panda39
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Relationship status: SO and I have been together 9 years and have just moved in together this summer.
Posts: 3462
Re: NPD/BPD Ex contacting my family post divorce
«
Reply #1 on:
November 01, 2019, 11:24:29 AM »
He's just reaching out trying to engage you. Remember negative attention is still attention. Ignore it.
Why does it bother you? He's inserted himself into your life/thoughts and it is an intrusion. Let it go and move on.
My partner has been separated/divorced from his uBPDxw for over 10 years and their daughters are adults. His uBPDxw still calls him for this or that and often the same thing over and over, every few months and had done so over a period of years. It's like "Hi"
"I'm still here!" "Hi"
"Give me your attention!" "Hi"
"Listen to me!"
...
Annoying but that's it. My partner engages minimally. Then it is quiet until it isn't.
Panda39
Logged
"Have you ever looked fear in the face and just said, I just don't care" -Pink
Gemsforeyes
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Ended 2/2020
Posts: 1136
Re: NPD/BPD Ex contacting my family post divorce
«
Reply #2 on:
November 01, 2019, 11:46:25 AM »
Dear IATF-
I’m sorry that your exH upset your mom and you and has attempted to interfere with your life. He sure did make some effort to do this!
My take is that what makes you “horrible” is that you actually had the “gall” to leave the marriage and a wonderful guy like him. And you stayed away. Oh shame shame... and his life is oh so great, that he took the time to gloat in a postcard to your mom? I think not.
And sadly, he chose your mom because yes, you have with your mom what he hasn’t got with his. One of the sources of his emptiness. But he’ll never see that and heal himself. Instead, he’ll try to blame his fractures on you. It wasn’t you. You know that.
My exH (NPD/BPD) pulled some similar stunts... enough.
So give your mom and yourself a hug and give him nothing.
Warmly,
Gemsforeyes
Logged
I_Am_The_Fire
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 279
Re: NPD/BPD Ex contacting my family post divorce
«
Reply #3 on:
November 01, 2019, 12:28:23 PM »
Panda 39 and Gemsforeyes, thank you so very much! You both hit the nail on the head. That makes perfect sense now. I will most definitely let it go and move on. My therapist told me he will more than likely always do things like this for years to come and may never stop. All I can really do is help my mom through it and keep living my life. Thank you both!
Logged
"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style" ~ Maya Angelou
zachira
Ambassador
Online
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 3263
Re: NPD/BPD Ex contacting my family post divorce
«
Reply #4 on:
November 01, 2019, 04:01:43 PM »
I am sorry to hear your NPD/BPD Ex contacted your mother and is continuing his smear campaign when it had been 3 years since your divorce. I have a similar situation with one of my relatives who married a man with NPD. Though your situation is clearly different in its own way, I believe that the man with NPD in my family got lots of positive attention from my relatives who were mostly kind to him even though he acted terribly. I believe he never got treated well by most of his family members so he continues to crave the attention he got from some of my relatives and says he is determined to continue to be a member of the family just like before the divorce. I hear your frustration as you have closed the door with him and wish he would move on as well.
Logged
Mutt
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced Oct 2015
Posts: 10395
Re: NPD/BPD Ex contacting my family post divorce
«
Reply #5 on:
November 03, 2019, 10:14:43 PM »
Hi I_Am_The_Fire,
I’m sorry your ex pwBPD/NPD is trying to smear you with your mom. It takes a lot of nerve to do something like that. As you probably already know that BPD is an attachment disorder and a pwBPD never fully detached, I’m coming close to 5 years post divorce and I have to comparent with my ex and she’s the same person that she was 5 years ago and is still attached. All of the emotions and attention seeking behaviors that you’re sharing with us telegraph that he’s still attached.
Logged
"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
NPD/BPD Ex contacting my family post divorce
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...