Please pwBPD going through psychosis

[Soul_Driven]

hey I'm hoping someone can finally help and answer.

Partner with BPD thinks people are out to get him, hearing and seeing things (hallucinations/voices/delusions) and thinks I'm in on it and cheating on him and is the cause when I'm not.

His words can be pretty intense and he's been known to leap across the room, loom over me and whisper in my ear "I know who you've been sleeping with now" or something.

I left again, partly because he asks me, partly because I try, like validating his feelings, tell him that may he his truth but it isn't my truth or my experiences. Sometimes he calms down other times he just continues to accuse me and gets frustrated even more.

If leaving the right choice?
What can me and his family do to support him? He is in denial about being unwell, has lost his job and has very little money, barely sleeping and eating or taking his medication. We are worried he may lose his flat soon.

Mental health services are appalling, they told him it's all drug related and will go once he stops smoking. He stopped 3 months ago. It's his BPD and be needs therapy. But in the meantime, is there anything we can do? Plus, I do not want our relationship to end because his delusions and hallucinations are saying I'm a cheat etc.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[babyducks]

welcome Soul_Driven,

I'm sorry for the situation that brought you here.  I know this is very difficult stuff.   It's hard to watch some one we care deeply for have a mental health crisis.

First, - about you.   Are you safe where you are?    Do you have resources and plans in place in case your unfortunate situation escalates quickly?   Most of us here have experienced some level of domestic violence, and we want to be mindful that these situations can flash over in a heartbeat.

Validating is tool best used before an emotional dysregulation starts.     It's also a skill that takes some practice to use effectively.    It's hard to validate out of a dysregulation.     When a dysregulation is already full blown, the general advice is to gently and carefully detach and allow our partners to return to baseline.    Hard to do.     Just as a simple example; something like:   "I hear what you are saying.   I need to take a break from this conversation.   I am going to XYZ but will talk to you again on ________ "    You should put it in your own words of course.

Is he doing recreational drugs to try and self medicate?

'ducks

[babyducks]

I just read your other post, and noticed you mentioned he is hearing voices.

My Ex Partner was diagnosed as Bipolar 1 comorbid with another disorder most likely BPD.   She struggled with the mania associated with the Bipolar and medication was only partially effective at controlling manic episodes.    She could and did experience delusions.   She once felt that the wind would drive the car... the wind would steer and she didn't need to keep her hands on the wheel.    that was dangerous and frightening.     She didn't have hallucinations that I am aware of.

I would suggest that you slow things down and make them as simple as possible.   People in a badly dysregulated state have difficulty processing information.    Indeed they often can only understand part of a sentence at a time.    Simple statements expressed slowly.     Yes and No questions rather than complex questions.    Did you have breakfast this morning?   Rather than When is the last time you have eaten?        When my Ex partner became manic,    she responded best to simple options,   'do you want a glass of milk or a cup of tea?'   Not 'do you want something to drink?'

Make sense?

It is going to take a set of small simple steps to walk conditions into a better place.

'ducks

[Soul_Driven]

Thank you so much for replying.
He is self medicating now with cannabis, I believe because it slows his brain down.

He does struggle with voices, elated mood, dissociation, isolation from family and me but he wants to socialise with friends. He wants to leave the country now, he has done it in the past and used heavily and returned in a week. I'm not sure about bipolar because these symptoms happen with BPD too.

I'm safe, I am back with my parents because he doesn't really want me there. He wants to just "have fun and be carefree", but it's in such an elated weird way, it's like he isn't the same person. However, he is functioning so no one will really notice.

Because he has lost his job, he has decided to not pay a single bill this month. His bike insurance has already been cancelled.

I have done that, maybe not the right way, but I said that I need some time because we it's unhelpful when we both speak when our emotions are high. I intend to come back the next day, every time he just throws accusations at me again. I feel like I might be making it worse by not being around.

Just don't know what else to do, his adoptive mother doesn't know either. Obviously it's not just about me, he thought his Co workers hated him, out to get him and becayse he wasn't sleeping he lost his job. However, to friends and strangers he probably seems like a very upbeat person. When really he's socially anxious.

[babyducks]

As far as I am aware,  hearing voices is not normally associated with BPD.

As you probably know,   it's called borderline because it's on the border of neurosis and psychosis.   My ex did occasionally look psychotic.

BPD often occurs with other mental health issues.    It's often difficult for professionals to make distinctions between disorders.

How long have you two been together?

[Soul_Driven]

Schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder (BPD) can share symptoms. One study found that both patients with schizophrenia and patients with BPD experience hearing voices. ... The study also found that auditory hallucinations are common in both populations.25 Nov 2018
https://www.psycom.net › borderlin...

Those with BPD can hear voices. I still don't know how to help him.

[babyducks]

thanks for sharing the link.   that was something I didn't know.

have you found this workshop as you browse this site?

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

it's a large post but I think it raises several good points.  it talks about walking in the middle of establishing boundaries without creating defensiveness.     it also talks about reinforcing positives.

members who arrive here are always encouraged to work on their own responses and understandings, that is why the top of this board has the "Lessons" topic locked into place.    Have you visited that topic?     if so, what did you think?   anything there that caught your interest?

When is the last time you have been in contact with him?   And would you feel comfortable providing more details about how conversations/interactions go between the two of you?  

[Soul_Driven]

 
Normally he'll start vague like "I know you aren't telling me the truth" so I'll ask him about what, and that I'd like to understand. He'll then make accusations about me sleeping with the neighbour, going out during the night, being part of a kidnapping ring etc. I'll say that I this all sounds hard, if I thought my partner was doing this I'd feel the same. Those are your experiences however mine are... He won't stop there, he'll continue, talk over me etc. So I'll just end up shortening it to "my truth is...". Its constant, all day every day. He also believes he has an implant in his head.
I stay calm when replying, if I start getting heated I say we can't speak when both our emotions are high because then we can't get our messages across effectively l. I'm going to go for about an hour and come back" but it doesn't stop the accusations.
Some things are harder, I lost a baby and he brings that up saying it was someone else's. He wanted to cut his head open the other day because he believes there is an implant in his head.

[babyducks]

Have you ever heard of SET?  it's a communication tool recommended by some very well respected doctors in this field.

It stands for Support,   Empathy,  and Truth.

It looks like you are doing very well with the support and empathy parts but might be leaving the truth part off.

What do you think would happen if you did your normal support,  and empathy but added a little truth to your statements.

Just as an example,   

That sounds hard,  and I would be upset too. I think this is something we should have help discussing.

[Soul_Driven]

I do say things like:
What would you like to do?
I can only give you my truth, so what would you like to do?
Or stuff like, do you remember last time... etc?
He is in complete denial anything is wrong, he says he just wants the truth. Then ten minutes he'll be saying he can read my mind and knows I'm lying.
He won't take his medication and he won't accept help. He thinks he is healthy!

[babyducks]

yes,    he is in denial.    believing that their behavior and emotions are caused by external events, other sources,  other people is part of BPD. believing that their issues come from something or someplace other than themselves is part of any mental illness.     it's frustrating and upsetting.

did you have time to look at the link I gave you?   it talks about the denial, how we all do it to a degree.   we all consider ourselves the ground zero for what mental health should be.   

I'm going to give you another link.   it's one that help me a lot when I was first here.

it's called "what does it take to be in a BPD relationship"

https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship

go ahead and click on the link.

Upstream we were talking about people in a disordered state or an emotional dysregulation having trouble processing information.    people with BPD or the traits of it have impaired executive functions and cognitive control.      Executive function is the term for how we plan, problem solve, concentrate.     Some one in the condition you describe will have an impaired ability to perform any executive function.     

I do say things like:
What would you like to do?
I can only give you my truth, so what would you like to do?
Or stuff like, do you remember last time... etc?

these open ended, multiple choice type questions might be way to complex for him to understand right now.    that's why simple yes/no questions or simple either/or questions tend to work better.   

when my Ex was in a bipolar state, she used to say her brain felt like it was on fire.      in those times she couldn't answer "what do you want for dinner?"    she could answer "do you want Italian or Chinese tonight?"

how are you feeling today?  how are you coping with this turmoil in your life?

'ducks