uncontrollable Text Mesage Strings

[Zippyfox]

Hi,

I'm new to this site and I have been in a relationship with someone with BPD. She has been pushing me away when she is splitting at the moment. I get constant chains of blaming and hurtful text messages which I know is to push me away and about her emotions. She breaks up with me over text message quite frequently but when calm says not to leave etc.

Do you have any advise on how to stop the message chains to then silent treatment? Not responding doesn't work because the accusatory messages increase until she asks for a break or for me never to contact her again. Today she broke up with me because she said she doesn't trust me as I shared something with my good friend that I wasn't aware was a total secret. I only shared it so I could support her in a more productive manner. I know this isn't the real reason for her feelings but I have become the aim of her feelings at the moment and at times they are quite hurtful even if not true. 

Thank you

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ozzie101]

Hi Zippyfox and welcome!

Those splitting episodes, being painted black -- they can be emotionally exhausting and painful to deal with. I'm so sorry. You're definitely not alone because most of us here have been there.

You indicate you've tried not responding. Is there anything else you've tried? When she escalated to telling you never to contact her again, how did you respond? It sounds like right now, her message chain approach is working for her in some way. A key is to find a way so that it doesn't work for her anymore. Looking at your responses and her reactions can help point us in the right direction.

We have an article here on boundaries that I've found very useful:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries
And here's a workshop on the same topic:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0

It won't give you an exact blueprint for how to handle this situation, but it does address some fundamental issues and there are some examples.