Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
April 27, 2024, 08:07:11 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Books members most read
105
The High
Conflict Couple
Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder
Loving the
Self-Absorbed
Borderline Personality
Disorder Demystified
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
> Topic:
Hideous conflict and explosive temper
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Hideous conflict and explosive temper (Read 375 times)
Etsy
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Mother
Posts: 42
Hideous conflict and explosive temper
«
on:
December 16, 2019, 06:08:27 PM »
Feeling rather shell shocked, after my teenage daughters, latest outburst of anger and rage. She was sat in the lounge with me, having just watched some TV together. She is currently unwell with flu, so dosed up on paracetamol and ibuprofen. Having been to the shops and got all comfort food for being unwell, same as I did yesterday. I called the Dr as she wanted me to, who confirmed flu, made her food. Then she wrapped the cat in a blanket, I asked her not to do that as the cat didn't like it, but she continued. I said you shouldn't have pets if you cant be nice to them. She told me I should never have been a mother, threw the tv remote at me, which missed me) and then stood over me, point a finger in my face and shouting at me, hit me twice with a slipper. When I told her if she continued I would call the police, she told me she would tell them I was being abusive to her, she then tried to get the phone off me ... all so quick all out of no where. I hate conflict, so hard to deal with, to defend yourself and try and soothe her at the same time ... it is so hard when in the midst of things to validate the emotions whilst separating the bad and unacceptable behaviour and try defined yourself, I tried to send her to her room, but she would not go, it is horrible not being able to relax in your own home. She threatens to leave, and a small part of me thinks let me help you pack your bags. But I also see the distress in her face, and I am heart broken for the pain she is in, but at the same time thinking have I just been played! And then i am just overwhelmed with sadness. All my words get twisted and pulled out of context, she hears what she wants to hear!
Logged
Our objective
is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to
learn the skills
to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Swimmy55
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Estranged
Posts: 820
Re: Hideous conflict and explosive temper
«
Reply #1 on:
December 16, 2019, 10:05:22 PM »
Hi Etsy,
I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I completely understand that you want to soothe her and defend yourself at the same time. However, she lost the privilege of being soothed as soon as she became violent with you. Hitting you/ throwing things at you with objects and trying to grab the phone our of your hand shows that her behavior is escalating. I know as a mother , you hate the idea of getting police involved, but safety is first, yours as well as hers. She is in distress, yes, but if she can't control herself you may need help to help her . Please don't be afraid to have to call them if you must. Have you been able to obtain a new therapist for her ( I am sorry if I am not remembering correctly)?
Logged
Swimmy55
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Estranged
Posts: 820
Re: Hideous conflict and explosive temper
«
Reply #2 on:
December 16, 2019, 10:13:19 PM »
I have read your other posts, is there a therapist she is still in touch with at the center she was at, or no? Would she be willing to see another / go back? Please write back here as you need to.
Logged
Etsy
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Mother
Posts: 42
Re: Hideous conflict and explosive temper
«
Reply #3 on:
December 17, 2019, 02:42:59 AM »
Hi Swimmy55, thanks for replying. DD got discharged from our local mental health service just over a week ago, which she gladly accepted - she said that they did nothing to help her and that she would fix herself. I had already asked my Dr (GP) for her to be transferred as our local mental health service for children here, does not appear to have the relevant skill set/expertise. It appears that they partially smooth over some of the cracks of the problems. ( this is also a worry as I am aware that not having the right care can further damage this fragile state of emotional disregulation) I have along with my daughter been asking for help with dissociation - for over 4 years ( I even found a consultant at a specialist clinic for dissociation in london 18 months ago who wrote me a lovely email, who were willing to speak to my daughters clinical team, and to give them guidance - this never happened, my daughters team never followed it up. My Dr sent a letter to our local childrens mental health service, to request a transfer, the old service is being difficult with my Dr by asking, is this for a 2nd opinion, as a transfer is not usually normally. I recognize we are in need of mediation, and she needs help. So at the moment we are caught in the politics of the transfer. As a single mum I have no back up - no stabilising influence to enable effective triangulation. (Having briefly read the article on here)
Logged
Etsy
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Mother
Posts: 42
Re: Hideous conflict and explosive temper
«
Reply #4 on:
December 17, 2019, 02:46:03 AM »
Swimmy 55, thanks for taking time to read other posts
Logged
Swimmy55
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Estranged
Posts: 820
Re: Hideous conflict and explosive temper
«
Reply #5 on:
December 17, 2019, 10:05:28 AM »
I certainly see your frustration with the system. In the meantime, here is a link on boundaries that may be helpful
https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries
Please take a look under the tools bar . There is a drop down list that goes over some communication strategies that may help with your DD. Here is one on ending conflict.
https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict
.
Out of love, we try to protect and prevent an undesirable outcome . For example, the next time the she wraps the cat up in a blanket, let the cat react and if that means teeth and claws, so be it. The above strategies suggested don't magically make everything ok again, however they may be able to provide breathing room for you. Another thing that is helping me is trying to work on acceptance- the BPD kids will believe and hear what they want, no matter what. " What others think of me is none of my business- including my child" is a mantra I have to repeat to myself . Please continue to write here.
Logged
Etsy
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Mother
Posts: 42
Re: Hideous conflict and explosive temper
«
Reply #6 on:
December 18, 2019, 05:24:12 AM »
Thanks Swimmy55 I am Just going to read link you have sent
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
>
Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
> Topic:
Hideous conflict and explosive temper
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...