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Author Topic: How to stop ruminating  (Read 79 times)
Amelia42

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Seperated
Posts: 4


« on: November 30, 2019, 10:08:01 PM »

All I can think about is who she is with. Why did she cheat. She blames it all on me. At first I caught her texting another woman and lying then four days later cheated after I freaked out. She has spun it to be all my fault. I had trust issues and now she has destroyed me.
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Lucky Jim
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5771


« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2019, 10:06:05 AM »

Excerpt
She blames it all on me. At first I caught her texting another woman and lying then four days later cheated after I freaked out. She has spun it to be all my fault.

Hey Amelia42, Those w/BPD are experts at shifting blame to the Non, which gets the issues off their plate and onto yours.  Your task is to decline to take responsibility for her side of the equation.  I have a saying: "Poison is harmless if you don't ingest it"!

LuckyJim
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    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
dt9000

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Separated
Posts: 21


« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2019, 01:37:34 PM »

Hi Amelia. As Jim said, pwBPD excel at blame shifting. I.e. "you did whatever so that's why I cheated on you."  It's effective because there may be some truth in their blame shift. You were upset about her texting someone, which led to an argument (I'm paraphrasing) therefore she feels justified in cheating. I've been in that position and even apologized to my pwBPD for being upset because she was having an affair. How toxic is that? Yikes, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)!

About ruminating, or negative thought cycles: I need to make a conscious effort to stop and redirect my thoughts when I catch myself ruminating. It takes effort and practice but it does work. Writing out your feelings in a journal can also be helpful. Although I find I need to write it down and then consciously put it out of my mind until I can sit down and write again.

dt9000
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