Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 04, 2020, 04:11:24 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: FaithHopeLove, Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
Ambassadors: Forgiveness, formflier, GaGrl,  khibomsis , Longterm, Ozzie101, pursuingJoy, Swimmy55, zachira
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: How to stop ruminating  (Read 382 times)
Amelia42

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Seperated
Posts: 5


« on: November 30, 2019, 10:08:01 PM »

All I can think about is who she is with. Why did she cheat. She blames it all on me. At first I caught her texting another woman and lying then four days later cheated after I freaked out. She has spun it to be all my fault. I had trust issues and now she has destroyed me.
Logged
Lucky Jim
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5953


« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2019, 10:06:05 AM »

Excerpt
She blames it all on me. At first I caught her texting another woman and lying then four days later cheated after I freaked out. She has spun it to be all my fault.

Hey Amelia42, Those w/BPD are experts at shifting blame to the Non, which gets the issues off their plate and onto yours.  Your task is to decline to take responsibility for her side of the equation.  I have a saying: "Poison is harmless if you don't ingest it"!

LuckyJim
Logged

    A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
George Bernard Shaw
dt9000
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Separated
Posts: 51


« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2019, 01:37:34 PM »

Hi Amelia. As Jim said, pwBPD excel at blame shifting. I.e. "you did whatever so that's why I cheated on you."  It's effective because there may be some truth in their blame shift. You were upset about her texting someone, which led to an argument (I'm paraphrasing) therefore she feels justified in cheating. I've been in that position and even apologized to my pwBPD for being upset because she was having an affair. How toxic is that? Yikes, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)!

About ruminating, or negative thought cycles: I need to make a conscious effort to stop and redirect my thoughts when I catch myself ruminating. It takes effort and practice but it does work. Writing out your feelings in a journal can also be helpful. Although I find I need to write it down and then consciously put it out of my mind until I can sit down and write again.

dt9000
Logged
Amelia42

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Seperated
Posts: 5


« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2019, 12:01:57 AM »

Thank you Lucky and dt. I am really trying not to ruminate. I have to see her at work and she is so arrogant and cocky. She has told her entire family that I constantly accused her of cheating which is not true. When we first met I had such bad trust issues and I told her I was not comfortable with her having private conversations with any women. She claims that every time in 7 years I asked her If she was okay, as she wasn’t talking to me, she claims I asked her if I was attracted to someone else, which is not true. She has made me out to be this crazy person. I was so kind to her. So patient, even though she could barely stand me anymore for whatever reason. She starts over again with every new person. She distorted the truth so I felt crazy. She acted so indignant when I called her on her lies. Her claim to fame is she was so loyal. Until she wasn’t.  She’s a stranger to me. I wondered why she had no memories of her first wife around. Nothing. She just starts all over with someone else.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2020?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
Ahquei3s
alphabeta
ArtistGuy70
AskingWhy
At Bay
Avanzando
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
calmboom
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
FaithHopeLove
Forgiveness
GaGrl
ggGreg
Gift to Myself
gotbushels
Harri
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Katrinalove
LLgreen
Longterm
loyalwife
lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
Mutt
narcdaughter2
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
Only Human
PeacefulMom
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Skip
StillStuck
Swimmy55
Teno
truthbeknown
Ventak
vinnie77
wavewatcher
wendydarling
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zaqsert

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!