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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: A spiked holiday  (Read 2069 times)
WitzEndWife
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« Reply #30 on: January 02, 2020, 02:50:37 PM »

What's the worst possible thing that could happen should he trigger you to feel unlovable? What's the worst possible thing he could do?

This seems to be at the heart of your impasse.

The thing he would do is to reject me forever and say horrible things about me, all of the things that hurt me the most. I fear rejection, even if it's from someone I don't want to be with.
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"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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« Reply #31 on: January 02, 2020, 03:01:12 PM »

The thing he would do is to reject me forever and say horrible things about me, all of the things that hurt me the most. I fear rejection, even if it's from someone I don't want to be with.

Let’s say this has happened. Let’s say it happened two weeks ago, in the midst of the holiday season.

Now you’ve finished drying your tears and you’re dusting yourself off, looking at the calendar, anticipating a new year, a new beginning, a new you. What comes to mind?
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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« Reply #32 on: January 02, 2020, 03:08:17 PM »


As for school, it's 18 months long and he will need to take an exam, but then he will be certified and they will help him find a job anywhere.

So, he is leaving soon and will not live with you for 18 months? 

How far away will he be?

Best,

FF
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WitzEndWife
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« Reply #33 on: January 03, 2020, 09:27:08 AM »

Let’s say this has happened. Let’s say it happened two weeks ago, in the midst of the holiday season.

Now you’ve finished drying your tears and you’re dusting yourself off, looking at the calendar, anticipating a new year, a new beginning, a new you. What comes to mind?

What comes to mind? Freedom, peace of mind, lonliness, sadness, fear, excitement, relief. A mix of things, really.
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"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
WitzEndWife
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« Reply #34 on: January 03, 2020, 09:27:48 AM »

So, he is leaving soon and will not live with you for 18 months? 

How far away will he be?


He'll be a few states away and yes, he won't live with me for 18 months.
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"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. All is riddle, and the key to a riddle is another riddle." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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« Reply #35 on: January 04, 2020, 03:31:35 AM »

Staff only

This thread has reached its post limit and has been locked. Please feel free to continue the discussion in another thread.
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     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
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