Paradachs, welcome. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so sorry for all that you've been through and the heavy weight you're carrying.

When I found this site I was in a very similar position, desperately needing support. My H has BPD traits and is frustratingly enmeshed with his BPD mom. It's been one of the most challenging things I've ever had to deal with. The support I've found here has been a lifesaver for me. Things can get better for you.
How did you finally determine that your husband has BPD?
You're not alone, Paradachs. We'd love to get to know you and learn how we can support you.
pj