Can pwBPD love pets?

[POSTA]

Hi, new here, going through a really tough marriage break up. I read a lot about the topic, I am also seeing a therapist and I now understand the situation, just need to get through it.

But I have a question regarding pets - can they love them? Or is it the same as with people, so they can leave them "just like that"? What are your experiences?

[Hidden Dragon]

Basically YES. Pets love unconditionally and will not abandon.

[SinisterComplex]

You might actually say they prefer pets to people actually. In my experience they have a tendency to hyper focus on pets and the pets become like an extension of them. So in a sense you could say they love pets to an extreme level.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[dt9000]

Yes I believe they can.

However during my marriage with a BPD, pets that were 'mine' faced the same cycle of idealization-devaluation-discard that I did. Or sometimes 'my' dogs were seen as a threat to her relationship with me (i.e. if she thought I loved my dog more than her) and were harshly devalued and discarded.

dt9000

[Stillhopeful4]

You might actually say they prefer pets to people actually. In my experience they have a tendency to hyper focus on pets and the pets become like an extension of them. So in a sense you could say they love pets to an extreme level.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

THIS ^^^^  Yup, my wife says she loves one of our dogs (DOG1) more than she loves anyone or anything on the planet, including me, her parents and kids.  I always found this VERY VERY odd. (Like who says that and means it)

SH4

[itsmeSnap]

My ex has a passion for horses, they're her life, she wouldn't even sleep until her animals had been taken care of.

She also surrounds herself with cats, though always someone else's, never her own.

So I'd say probably definitely yes.

[Thedubman123]

My ex had 3 dogs, I think it’s pretty common

[SinisterComplex]

For what its worth my ex wife would get jealous of my cat. Honestly she was jealous because he had an attitude and did things on his own terms...ok fair point he was my cat so that makes total sense..., but what was weird is how she would sometimes instigate arguments over me loving my cat more than her. Then it would seem like she would get competitive with me in trying to win my cat over so he would be more "her" cat. However, being that my cat was an $$hole that only worked for so long before he got sick of her sh*t too. :-D

Yes you can take humor away from my story which is the intent, but its a true story.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[Forgiveness]

Nailed it.

pets that were 'mine' faced the same cycle of idealization-devaluation-discard that I did. Or sometimes 'my' dogs were seen as a threat to her relationship with me (i.e. if she thought I loved my dog more than her) and were harshly devalued and discarded.

dt9000

[POSTA]

Thank you all.
Part of our break up is also the question of “who gets our dog”, but I will be mature and leave it with her. I think she will not be able to take care of it though... but now I am afraid that she may even harm the dog, if it stays with me.
I am sad about it, but first I must take care of myself...

[pest947]

My BPDex split pets all the time.

[Vincenta]

Hi Posta,

If you have any doubts, why you would give the dog to her?

The dog is ‘ innicent’ and deserves a good and stable home.
What would be the best for the dog?
If you cannot keep him/ her, maybe you could find a new, loving and responsible home ?

Regards

Vincenta