Hey friends,
Sorry for double posting today but I just wanted to update you guys, in case you read my post earlier today (“The Switch”).
I won’t go into all the details in this post but basically my boyfriend messaged me today and said “do we even love each other?” And when I pressed for more information and was basically like “HUH?”, he ignored me for hours.
I hate to admit that I totally freaked out and was all over the map. I was sending him desperate messages, angry ones, pathetic ones, all of which went unanswered. I was feeling devastated because I am so, so tired of being ignored/stonewalled when things get hard between us. NOTHING triggers my anxiety more than being ignored.
Finally, in the evening, I realized my car key had fallen as i was getting out of the car and I was locked out of my car in -45C weather. I texted him again to jokingly just say “if I die, these are my last words to you
”.
He wrote me back a few times to ask if I was safe and if I was okay.
Once the situation was sorted and I was back home, he messaged me again to make sure I was alright. Then he sent the following:
“I wish I wasn't stupid and stubborn and stop allowing myself to push you away in moments of extreme admiration for you and when thinking about our future... And how I would be happy if we weren't fighting anymore because I miss you”
So THEN, I took a deep breath and said something I was really scared to say. I knew i could totally backfire any progress we had made but I decided I needed to stand up for myself and say some truth:
“ I wish the same things. Ignoring someone on purpose is emotionally abusive. It has to stop. There's no excuse for it anymore.
At the same time, I know I need to react differently and not panic so much. I know I need to learn to give you your space and have more empathy when you're feeling these things.”
I waited nervously and here was his reply:
“I’m sorry. I realised those things and I'm working on it. Ignoring someone is emotionally abusive. And you don't deserve it... some things trigger me. It's usually when times are best that I just sabotage them like this. It's almost like the times I love you the most are the most frightening”
We’re still talking it out but look at that! I feel like some progress has been made from both of us, even if it’s just acknowledging the problem and promising to work on it- it feels like big steps!
