Well if I ever needed proof

[Blueskyday]

That my daughter loathes me its coming thick and fast.

We have this awful virus in my City.
I know this will possibly give my location but wth!


People are self isolating all around me.
I got sick, very sick.
I couldn't get out of bed to go to work.
I had spiralling fevers and my face literally sweat! My cheeks were weeping. I had a shower and was immediately saturated.

I have been having the Grandchild on a Saturday night/ Sunday

I said to her in a measage I am very very sick. Immediately she responds " Yes but I need you to have ***** because I need the money and I will lose my job if I don't go in.( I recognise this as strong arming me with drama and possible crisis..)I can bring her up to you. There followed a couple of messages on why I couldn't not have the child.

Logically I am thinking I should isolate as much as I can because I have an international student who could have given me this virus. My fever won out. I was confused and exhausted and very weak.

Saturday at 7.30 am she brings the kid and the dog in a cab. Then we don't hear from her.

My fever starts to spike. I sent a message asking her not to drink as its at 37.5 and if it hits 38 she may need to come and collect the kid and the pooch.

She has been out of work for an hr and said she's had a bottle of wine but won't drink more. I really didn't believe she would stop tho.

Then there followed more messages.
She had explained why she needed me to have the child..She understands that I am sick but...Her rent has gone up, her boss is trying to sack her, she has crippling anxiety and on and on...

I sent the child to my bed and slept in the sofa. I made sure I didnt kiss her and we didnt snuggle.
Luckily I stopped the temp from hitting the 38 mark.

The next day the kid was so good. She could see how poorly I was.
We did not hear from her Mother all of that day.

Eventually she called her Mother who was on her way home fully expecting me to drive the child home.

I am on the mend and the child hasn't picked up my virus. I know I should have put my foot down but I was so so ill.

Looking at this from the outside its a perfect example of how she behaves.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Does your daughter loathe you or is she too engrossed on her own pain to respond to the needs of other people? I ask because in my experience knowing the difference between malice and pain matters.

[Blueskyday]

I think engrossed and coupled with loathing Faith. Thanks for asking the question.

I will try to ask myself this question moving forward.

I guess I am so physically weak and her shutting the door in my face again didn't help.

I am so tired of being manoeuvred to where she needs me to be. I am tired of being trampled on by her.

I think I am angry again. The reason is that I know none of this is true. None of the drama is ever truly happening except the drama she can't see.

She told me she was losing her home then less than a month later told me she was spending hundreds of pounds to redecorate the child's bedroom. ( Hasn't happened yet tho)

How does that work?

She has a different outfit on every time I see her but the kids clothes are too small.

She parties every weekend and is so hungover when I take the child back she could almost still be drunk.

What does come to mind often

She is a friend to her favourite person so how can she be that yet be so unavailable emotionally to her child and me and even the dog is abused

[FaithHopeLove]

She is a friend to her favourite person so how can she be that yet be so unavailable emotionally to her child and me and even the dog is abused

Maybe because as close blood relations you make a safer target?

[Lollypop]

Hi blue sky day

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been so poorly. You were put in a very difficult situation and coerced to agree to something when vulnerable. That must feel really horrible and I totally get it. I often think “what about me”. Sadly, son cannot hear me - well, not quite true now but most of the time he is only thinking of himself and his problems, I deeply resent that I don’t get the help when I need it. Small things, practical help would be wonderful. It’s just not forthcoming even when I ask.  What can we do?  Accept the status quo I guess. No expectations ... maybe try and reflect how you could have dealt with it differently. I hope you feel better soon

LP