BPD ex shut me out of her life after saying how in love with me she is

[JJH]

My bpd ex blocked me, my friends, and family after sending me a long, heartfelt message about how she couldn't live without me. She is currently in treatment, which confuses me whether or not it's a genuine sign or another bpd defense mechanism. She genuinely loved me(at least I think). But we did go back and forth quite a few times in the 2 year span. Her insecurities were obvious. She wasn't diagnosed until a few months before our final split. In that time I tried to understand, educate myself, and give her what she said she required(more affection, affirmation, etc.). She expressed numerous times how she just wanted to marry me and have my child. Even after our final split 2 months ago she came over for 2 days and held the same mindset(wanted to have my baby). But once she left I got hot and cold responses so I said something that must have triggered her. "Great 2 days of closure". To which she called and messaged numerous times while I was asleep screaming and yelling profanities. It was toxic to say the least. But it didnt end there. She continued to message and vise versa via text message(still blocked on all social media platforms.) She seemed even more distant and reluctant. She stopped over to my house one last time and we talked. Just casually about her new job. She seemed distant. But when she left started messaging me saying she loved me. More hot and cold. The final straw was her asking me to watch an entire series(The Ranch) before I messaged her again. As if somehow it would dramatically change our relationship. Admittedly I did start the series, in desperate hopes that somehow it could work and heal what was broken and we could return to what once was. But during that period she continued to message me without wanting a response. Sending me pics of our miscarried child and telling me she made a box for him/her.
Needless to say it really hurt me. Not just being unable to respond, but the overall heaviness of the messages to which she wanted no feedback.
I sent these messages to a close friend who decided enough was enough and took it upon himself to message her and tell her to leave me alone. I felt betrayed, angry, and unsettled. She messaged me frantically yelling once again and saying i need to make up my mind. To which I responded that we both need to heal. I called her one last time for closure but never recieved it. She seemed upset but just hungup on me after saying, "this is what I get for giving it one more try."
In reality I believe I lost too much of myself in the process of trying to get back to the euphoria of what was once a seemingly happy and loving relationship. Now I wonder if any of it was even real. I have received no closure and it seems as if I never will. Which leads me to the subject. She deleted my friends and family  a short time after. How could someone confessing to have such genuine love cut you from their lives completely? This has sent me into a tailspin. I loved this woman with everything in me. And I would still take her back in Hope's of understanding more and her therapy being effective enough to give us the proper tools to be successful.
All in all I guess I'm grasping for straws at this point. I know it's over. Possibly too much damage done. But to be devalued and painted black by someone you're so deeply in love with is the most horrific feeling I've ever faced...and with no answers as to why.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[loyalwife]

Hi JJH,

It is difficult to understand, that someone that loved you could suddenly turn and leave. The devaluing stage is the most difficult, on non-BPDs. Reacting normally doesn't work, and the response you get is far from the response you expect.  I'm so sorry that your girlfriend chose to be abusive in sending you disturbing photos. This was done to hurt you, and it sounds as if it did the job. I've been the recipient of abuse, and it makes the BPD feel alive. Your girlfriend blocked you and your family and made her feel powerful. My husband has blocked me at times and called to tell me that he was systematically erasing all of our photos one by one. Even after all of this drama, there is still a chance she will come back. This is the part that is the scariest. It will just be repeated over and over again.

Tonight, my husband, packed his bags and left because he didn't like the look on my face. He's been looking for a reason to leave all day. How many times have I been painted black? So many times that I have lost count. When you read the stories here you will hear a story that is repeated by all of us. Unless your partner is ready for serious treatment, this cycle is doomed to repeat. There can be days and months perhaps years of seeming normalcy.
When you least expect it, the volcano blows and you are left wondering what you did, why they are so distant and how to bring them back. They will come back. But then they will leave again. 

There was a time, that I loved my husband. After being devalued so many times, you get to the point that you realize that you are worth more than being treated like dirt. Regardless of how much you have loved someone, they can't love you the same way. I believe in unconditional love, they do not know what that means.

I hope that I haven't dampened hope for you. I only want you to know that BPD is a serious disorder that doesn't get better over time. I know you hurt, and this sucks. The best thing you can do is do all you can to take care of yourself. Consider your life your own, and she has chosen to live life the way she chooses. I'm thinking this way tonight about my husband. He is the one that chose to get in his car and leave. I didn't make him or force him to. It's his pain.

Sending you light.

[JJH]

Thank you very much for the useful insight. I've only just begun to research this disorder, as she was not diagnosed long ago. It all seems to be similar in the consensus that they are not capable of love in the capacity that non-bpd can. It's a tough pill to swallow. Im genuinely sorry to hear about your husband leaving this evening. I can genuinely feel and sympathize with your pain. Moving on with no answers, no closure, or knowing whether or not I was cheated on is the hardest battle mentally. In the end I just have to realize that I'm worth more than the insecurities and constant instability that this relationship has caused. Looking for answers has been futile and only set me back in my own progression. She has more than likely moved on to the next and "discarded/devalued" me.

[loyalwife]

Hi JJH,

Your story reminds me of my son's recent break up with his gf. It was sudden, without any warning except that she was always moody and hard to please. My son has mild Aspergers so emotionally he was blindsided. She was callous, and basically just said "we haven't anything in common" and moved on. He has been devastated about this breakup as there wasn't any closure or anything specifically problematic. She refuses to talk to him. I'm not sure if she is BPD, but from hearing stories about her rage at times, it wouldn't surprise me. I saw her yesterday leaving a restaurant, with a low cut shirt on, and walking as if she owned the world. I wonder who her next victim is.

My husband has returned so it is a relief. He is so miserable and I can't help him. It took me a long time to understand that the push/pull and discarding is all part of this disorder. It isn't you nor is it me. It's their stuff. They decide the outcome.

Good luck on moving forward. Give yourself time to grieve (that's what my son is doing). Actually he went to the shelter and adopted a puppy.