Where do I go from here?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was in a normal, or so I thought, relationship with a woman whom it became increasingly apparent, was suffering from BPD.   Towards the end, whne we got divorced, she admitted some 12 years prior to our 10 year marriage a doctor had told her she had bpd.    I have thought, slowly over the years that this person deliberately scrambled my sanity.   There were very few days, when I was at work, when there wasn't some BS rattling around my head from the night before, or the morning before work.

We got divorced in the most horrible divorce you could imagine.   Many legal complaints were falsely filed against me, and eventually when I was able to prove myself innocent, they thrown out of Court.    This went on during the year or so the divorce was pending, such that I have been falsely arrested 5 times, on made up accusations.   It's gotten to the point that the local police departments won't even listen to her anymore.    Nontheless, my life is in shambles, and I absolutely know I can never go back with this "woman", despite an overwhelming love for her.    Heartbreaking as it is, my thoughts turn to the idea that anyone who'd false domestic violence charges, wouldn't flinch in calling consensual sex - rape.

How do we go on, and even think about another relationship with another person, ever again?   I understand, accept, and became a proponent for the divorce, at the end stages.    Just trying to get a new handle on life, and figure this all out.   Any helpful advice, would be greatly appreciated.

[NH_Skier]

I was in a normal, or so I thought, relationship with a woman whom it became increasingly apparent, was suffering from BPD.   Towards the end, whne we got divorced, she admitted some 12 years prior to our 10 year marriage a doctor had told her she had bpd.    I have thought, slowly over the years that this person deliberately scrambled my sanity.   There were very few days, when I was at work, when there wasn't some BS rattling around my head from the night before, or the morning before work.

We got divorced in the most horrible divorce you could imagine.   Many legal complaints were falsely filed against me, and eventually when I was able to prove myself innocent, they thrown out of Court.    This went on during the year or so the divorce was pending, such that I have been falsely arrested 5 times, on made up accusations.   It's gotten to the point that the local police departments won't even listen to her anymore.    Nontheless, my life is in shambles, and I absolutely know I can never go back with this "woman", despite an overwhelming love for her.    Heartbreaking as it is, my thoughts turn to the idea that anyone who'd false domestic violence charges, wouldn't flinch in calling consensual sex - rape.

How do we go on, and even think about another relationship with another person, ever again?   I understand, accept, and became a proponent for the divorce, at the end stages.    Just trying to get a new handle on life, and figure this all out.   Any helpful advice, would be greatly appreciated.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey NHSkier, Welcome!  I'm sorry to hear what you have been through.  Your story is quite familiar to me and, I'm sure, to many others here.  You are not alone!  Like you, I went through a difficult divorce from my BPDxW, so I understand where you're coming from.  In some ways, you're lucky because you know you can never go back to your Ex, which is something that many here struggle with.

In terms of advice, I suggest you focus on yourself and your needs.  Listen to your gut feelings.  Strive for authenticity.  Get back to being who you are at your core.  Acknowledge your feelings as they arise, then let them pass through you.

I'm sure it doesn't feel like it now, yet in my view going through the BPD crucible makes you a stronger person and, ultimately, leads to greater happiness, which is what it's all about, right?

LuckyJim