Financial ruin and my BPD wife.

[Robe436]

 Today is my  7th anniversary, and I wish I was happier. I have been in counseling with my BPD wife for over a year. She was diagnosed about a year ago and has been going to counseling and sees a psychiatrist on a regular basis. One of our biggest relationship problems along with struggling in our relationship is money. My wife charges and charges and charges. One big thing in counseling is setting boundaries, which I have done, simply for her to ignore them and charge again. I just found charges on the current credit card statement of 400.00 additional charges. I don't think this will ever change and I don't know if I can put up with this much longer. I have tried, really tried. Any suggestions.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[daiseychainsaw]

That sounds so frustrating, and I can only imagine how it would be. I wonder if within the counseling context, if you and she could agree to limit her access to credit cards and agree to a prepaid card instead so she is within limits? Anytime that she is within limits, really praise her for it. Hoping that helps.

[Robe436]

Actually we did all that, she cut up cards and ending up applying for new ones, we have tried many things only to be disappointed. That is really the scary part I never know until I come across the statement.

[2Loyal2Long]

Is she in DBT?  That form of therapy works with behavioral changes.  I know this is frustrating for you and sounds very stressful.

Btw, I do want to wish you a Happy Anniversary.   

[Robe436]

She is in therapy, with a therapist that under stands cluster B, but not in DBT therapy which I think she should try. She will go to this one therapist she is happy with but will not try anything else. She does see a psychiatrist and has been prescribed medications which she is convinced are not working for her. They are trying to work with her to get that part of it regulated. We have been in marriage counseling over a year and pretty much in the same spot as we started.

[Rev]

Today is my  7th anniversary, and I wish I was happier. I have been in counseling with my BPD wife for over a year. She was diagnosed about a year ago and has been going to counseling and sees a psychiatrist on a regular basis. One of our biggest relationship problems along with struggling in our relationship is money. My wife charges and charges and charges. One big thing in counseling is setting boundaries, which I have done, simply for her to ignore them and charge again. I just found charges on the current credit card statement of 400.00 additional charges. I don't think this will ever change and I don't know if I can put up with this much longer. I have tried, really tried. Any suggestions.

Hello,

There are no quick fixes to this one. Not to be a downer - just realistic. You are looking at two sets of issues here. One is the BPD which, in this case serves to offer an a moving target of what triggers the addictive behavior - as opposed to definable childhood events that can be isolated and dealt with. BPD is a chronic condition. And two is the addictive behavior itself.

I would be inclined to separate the two.

DBT therapy is the only thing that will work - or some form of cognitive coping anyways - in controlling the negative thoughts and talk that BPD triggers.  And then there is a wealth more of counselling around spending addictions. Make no bones about it - bad spending habits are a symptom of deeper felt emotions.

Good luck and Godspeed.

Rev