Genuine concern for a BPD housemate.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hi all, I would love your thoughts. My housemate has moved out and I think he may have undiagnosed BPD. We lived together for about 9 months. For the first 6 months we were very close, for example, he declared that he loved me, we would talk all day and enjoy each other’s company a lot. After a while he started to appear to dislike me, and eventually before he moved out was not speaking to me and not replying to any messages I wrote him. I’m very happy to say that my boundaries have been clear and I let him know (as gently as I could) that I thought it would be better we didn’t live together. In two days, he gave away all his furniture and belongings and left without saying goodbye. This seemed so odd to me, combined with his previous sudden and seemingly inexplicable dislike for me. I was confused, but it didn’t occur to me that he was unwell. Completely by accident I was reading about DBT and then about BPD. It describes my ex-housemate very accurately. I then remembered that in times of more intimacy, my ex housemate had disclosed suicidal thoughts, family childhood abuse and other periods of reckless and risky behaviour. I feel really awful now that I didn’t see these disclosures as part of a pattern of behaviour that actually put him at risk of self-harm. He seemed completely calm and content at that time, and expressly denied any concerns about himself when I asked him. I can see now that his reaction fits with disassociation. He has left now, and I feel a great deal of relief, personally. I am also allowing myself time to process because we were very close friends at one time. My regret is that I didn’t know anything about BPD before this moment, and I would hate to think I overlooked signs that someone was at risk of self-harm. Now that he is gone and not talking to me or replying to messages, I’m assuming I cannot do anything to support him to get help. I understand a lot of people may struggle with letting go of someone with BPD, but that’s not my issue (although I totally understand how that would happen with this personality type). Mostly I’m genuinely concerned that he has an undiagnosed illness that could be addressed if he sought out some help. Thanks for reading, your thoughts are welcome.

[EstherEcho]

Hi all, I would love your thoughts. My housemate has moved out and I think he may have undiagnosed BPD. We lived together for about 9 months. For the first 6 months we were very close, for example, he declared that he loved me, we would talk all day and enjoy each other’s company a lot. After a while he started to appear to dislike me, and eventually before he moved out was not speaking to me and not replying to any messages I wrote him. I’m very happy to say that my boundaries have been clear and I let him know (as gently as I could) that I thought it would be better we didn’t live together. In two days, he gave away all his furniture and belongings and left without saying goodbye. This seemed so odd to me, combined with his previous sudden and seemingly inexplicable dislike for me. I was confused, but it didn’t occur to me that he was unwell. Completely by accident I was reading about DBT and then about BPD. It describes my ex-housemate very accurately. I then remembered that in times of more intimacy, my ex housemate had disclosed suicidal thoughts, family childhood abuse and other periods of reckless and risky behaviour. I feel really awful now that I didn’t see these disclosures as part of a pattern of behaviour that actually put him at risk of self-harm. He seemed completely calm and content at that time, and expressly denied any concerns about himself when I asked him. I can see now that his reaction fits with disassociation. He has left now, and I feel a great deal of relief, personally. I am also allowing myself time to process because we were very close friends at one time. My regret is that I didn’t know anything about BPD before this moment, and I would hate to think I overlooked signs that someone was at risk of self-harm. Now that he is gone and not talking to me or replying to messages, I’m assuming I cannot do anything to support him to get help. I understand a lot of people may struggle with letting go of someone with BPD, but that’s not my issue (although I totally understand how that would happen with this personality type). Mostly I’m genuinely concerned that he has an undiagnosed illness that could be addressed if he sought out some help. Thanks for reading, your thoughts are welcome.

[daze507]

Good luck to make him acknowledge the fact that there might be something wrong with him...