Social media - DS posting things about me

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi all

I'm new here but just reading some posts, I can see that you have similar experiences to me.  Here's a topic I haven't seen yet, but it may because I haven't looked hard enough.

My son posts about me on Facebook.  Lots of my family and church members see his Facebook posts.  I refused (in the past, but I've now disabled my account) to respond with my version of the story.  I don't want to publicly contradict him on Facebook. 

Here's an example.  My sister comes up to me and says "I don't think this is true but I just have to ask." 

Sister:  Did you say to him "I brought you into this world and I can take you out?"
    (Yes, we both recognize this as an old Bill Cosby joke.)
Me:  Did I bring him into this world?  (Answer is no, he's adopted.)
Sister, back peddling:  Of course I didn't think you said it.
Me:  Do you think I would threaten to "take him out?"
Sister:  I didn't believe that you said it.  I just had to make sure.

But there are people who don't know me or they know me and take it for truth.  Lots of other examples exist but I know some of you have been there.  I know that I just have to feel comfortable that I raised him (age 24) as best I could.  As I've heard others say, if I would have known what I was dealing with earlier, I hope I would have done some things differently.  But we are where we are.  And there are people who believe his skewed view of his childhood.

Anyone else have some ways of coping?  We're estranged so calm conversation is not an option at the moment.

Thanks

[seekerinlife]

Hi all

I'm new here but just reading some posts, I can see that you have similar experiences to me.  Here's a topic I haven't seen yet, but it may because I haven't looked hard enough.

My son posts about me on Facebook.  Lots of my family and church members see his Facebook posts.  I refused (in the past, but I've now disabled my account) to respond with my version of the story.  I don't want to publicly contradict him on Facebook. 

Here's an example.  My sister comes up to me and says "I don't think this is true but I just have to ask." 

Sister:  Did you say to him "I brought you into this world and I can take you out?"
    (Yes, we both recognize this as an old Bill Cosby joke.)
Me:  Did I bring him into this world?  (Answer is no, he's adopted.)
Sister, back peddling:  Of course I didn't think you said it.
Me:  Do you think I would threaten to "take him out?"
Sister:  I didn't believe that you said it.  I just had to make sure.

But there are people who don't know me or they know me and take it for truth.  Lots of other examples exist but I know some of you have been there.  I know that I just have to feel comfortable that I raised him (age 24) as best I could.  As I've heard others say, if I would have known what I was dealing with earlier, I hope I would have done some things differently.  But we are where we are.  And there are people who believe his skewed view of his childhood.

Anyone else have some ways of coping?  We're estranged so calm conversation is not an option at the moment.

Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Seekerinlife
Let me be the first to officially welcome you to the group. You have come to the right place for information and support. Whether on social media or otherwise lots of our BPD children say things about us that, while very real to then, are not true. I think you are wise not to argue the point. It would only lead to more conflict.

[Swimmy55]

Hi
My son read my personal diaries buried deep in my closet, then met with family members to discuss what I wrote.  Quoted my writings to them as" Mom said _____ about you and she called you a _______". 
One of these was to my Dad, his grandfather ( and he has his own BPD traits as well). 
I suffered scalding humiliation and anger at my son to almost the point of rage ( I didn't act on it).  My Dad confronted me and I talked with my Dad and emailed one other person( ex husband, Son's Dad)  that son spatted this out to and just stated these were taken out of my person journal .   My brother and I are ok with each other, he knew the lies. No one else asked me anything and I am not going around finding out if son spouted to whom about what. 

My Dad, being 87 years old and having had BPD traits did throw it back up in my face again this past summer as a weapon against me because he was mad at my brother. 

I think you handled it right.  If people come to you for verification , you can state the correction.  However, I wouldn't go out of my way to post something on your facebook wall defending yourself.

[seekerinlife]

I'm so sorry your son did this to you.

[PeaceMom]

I’m sorry too, Swimmy. I can imagine how hurt and violated I would have felt.

[Done-er Stepdad]

Defending yourself or lying or making excuses to cover up their bad behavior is only feeding their madness. The one thing you can (somewhat) control in this mess is the drama level.

I say something vague like she's working through some maturity issues and it's a private family matter. I repeat it until people get bored and go away.

The people who believe your son over you probably have their own mental problems and are best just waved off with the above and then completely avoided.

[Gogo2020]

My daughter started an entire blog about how awful i am. How I caused  her to become a “slut”- her words, not mine.
And it was filled with lies!
Truly the most painful experience of my entire life...

[Lola B]

Welcome Seeker,

I have no strategies for you that involve another human. I’ll tell you where I go with it, largely because my DD20 has scared every potential partner and all but one friend away. I don’t have access to humans.

No one in real life would understand anyway.

I connect to my concept of God. My higher power has changed in my life, but ultimately all I have is that. I was recently guided by a person of faith to ask god to show me she/he/it/they are with me. It was during a peaceful time, and I let expectations go. The answer came maybe a day or two later in a way o oy I would get a kick out of and know for sure it was in answer to my prayer. I said thank you after having a nice laugh.

Phones can have connectivity issues, people may be out on dates, churches are currently shut with the quarantine, but there is still a presence with you that knows your pain and is walking with you through every desert and every forest.

Assume that for some reason, your desert looks like this and is shared in dictions but believable detail on FaceBook. Post your wins, losses, and needs on FaithBook.