welcome back sg
i think it really depends on what it means to look at your partner as a child.
it is suggested that if you want to listen with empathy, the best strategy involves listening to, picturing, getting in touch with their inner child. its really about seeing a persons humanity.
but the reality is your partner is an adult...even if he doesnt act like what most of us understand to be adult behavior all the time. no adult responds positively to being treated like a child.
the reality is that our partners are needy people with dysfunctional ways of getting their needs met. the needs are valid...the ways of getting them met often are not.
so it sounds like youve done a lot to stop the bleeding, not make things worse, and thats great.
but if youre dismissing or minimizing too much, you may be missing vital things your partner is trying to communicate about your relationship.
Totally!
And no , to be very clear I am def not minimizing or being dismissive I only related to him a child on this board and in this board alone ... I’d never treat him that way. I think what I meant to say is that his behaviour during episodes reminds me of a child
! And the best way for me personally to respond is to empathize with him as if he were one or just an immature adult with low emotional intelligence. It has helped me a lot because I used to get frustrated and that’s why most of our arguments have escalated I think it’s because I kept looking at him as if he were on my level and thinking to myself “why doesn’t he GET IT?”
Or his actions and responses weren’t ones I was expecting when compared to other ppl I’ve dated etc. So I think the child “thinking “ is what’s helped me and also what you’ve said previously in terms of viewing him as a person who has the same problems as a non except takes it to the extreme ...
One issue I’m still having however is sometimes not being able to communicate fully my POV to him... is there a way to successfully do this? For example, let’s say I tell him how I feel about situation “X”, and he responds with a response that seems like what I’m saying still isn’t getting through to him ... do you usually take a step back and think of another way to say it ? Or do you straight up just ask him/her what they don’t understand ? I usually don’t ask the latter because I don’t want to sound offensive and trigger him.
