My probably BPD gf with health issues

[ogratokam]

Hello, I have gf who shows many bpd symptoms. Over the years I learned to manage most of them - anger, suicide threats, etc.
However she is very impulsive and unorganized. She has large weight problem (on the morbidity scale) and while she is visiting a doctor, has a special meal plan, which she mostly follows and has plan of exercise etc, she often finds excuses not to follow it ("I have my period so I will not exercise not eat healthy," "I have difficult work situation so I will comfort myself with food," "I deserve this food / to skip exercise, etc, don't I?")

Because she is sabotaging her efforts often (eg. she follows the routine a week, then a week is totaly impulsive and not following) her weight is not improving. I am very worried about her health. She already has several health issues related to obesity. (The fact she never wants to go out because she is ashamed of her body etc I ignore for now).

2 questions:
1) Is it my worry? I know I am worried, but should I?
2) How can I help it / support her more to be mindful of her acts?

What I tried so far:
Talking her into more following her routine - doesnt work - she takes it as my effort to controll her and rebels even more. No explanation helps.
Not controlling her - as result I am even more worried, but she seems less tense.

Thank you.

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[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi ogratokam:
Sounds like your GF is using food to self-soothe.  Food is likely her unhealthy way of coping with anxiety or uncomfortable emotions.  Some people use drugs, some alcohol, others use cutting - she is using food.  It's harder to change a person's relationship with food, because everyone needs to eat.  They don't need the drugs & alcohol to live. 

Nagging her won't work, nor will telling her to just have more willpower.  She has to learn new healthy ways to self-soothe, ways that can replace her overeating and/or binge eating.

There is an app called InsightTimer that is available for both Apple & Android devices.  With the premium version, there is an audio course called, "Getting Over Overeating" by Andrea Wachter.  The audio course is very good.  If your GF  applies herself & takes the course seriously (and does the assignments), it can help her explore here relationship with food & help guide her to discover healthy ways to self-soothe and better manage various emotions.

The InsightTimer app has a lot to offer for free, with various forms of meditation.  The courses are available with the premium version.  I believe there is a 30-day free trial.

[ogratokam]

Hey thank you for understanding!
Yes it is self soothe for her.
But overeating is not the only problem!

She has several health issues requiring medical attention, yet she refuses to do anything about them, nor see a doctor. She says: "I am a time bomb, I will die soon. Either take it or leave me."

Also when I want to talk about these health issues with her she freaks out: "Let me be! I wanna just enjoy the day, not worry about some issues! Go away!"

I am so triggered and stressed. Pls help.

We were planning children etc but with her ignorance I am highly stressed. I feel as thought she didn't care at all about our relationship.

Help pls. I dont wanna her to die.
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