We have talked in detail before about her keeping you around (married or not married) because you are her nanny. And you enable it by being passive aggressive on the divorce and tolerating her having a lover for years. She tests you constantly to see how much she can get away with you respond by allowing the barrier of self respect move down a notch each time.
You've enabled this approach and it has only fed a deterioration in your relationship with her and the increased the toxicity in your children's home. All the data would say that it is not working.
This all seems accurate.
There seem to be pathways you can choose from this, therefore I would suggest putting energy and thought over here.
I'm not sure "where" any discussion/analysis of alcohol use could go. I see energy and thought put into alcohol as largely unproductive, especially compared to putting energy into the future status of your marriage.
Best,
FF
