How to move on when her brother lives next to mem

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi

i´m sorry for my bad english but i try to explain myself in a way that you´re able to understand

We dated for 3-4 months

She went study abroad and cheated on me

I thought i go crazy after all the gaslighting but in the end her monkeybranching didnt work out and right now she is dating some other guy who is looking like me

After i learned about narcissism and bpd i now know what happend

Our breake up was bad i called her names after i found out what realy happens and she blocked me everywhere

then one month ago i told her that i cooled down and i dont give a PLEASE READ what happens but because her brother lives right next to me and everytime i see him and his family i think about the way we ended the things and i just want to be cool with everything so we dont get into awkard situations when we see each other ( i saw her for the first time after the breakup 1 month ago and it was awful and it was ofc next to my house while she was visiting her brother but she didnt saw me)

She didnt respond but didnt blocked me

And i saw her few days later again near my house while she was visiting her brother and this time she saw me

i went outside and was wating for a friend and she saw me and damn that was funny as hell because at the moment she realized that i was there her head looked like a tomato and she tryed to hide behind the bushes so i cant see her.

Then i went to my car to grab my jacket and in the meantime she went home and we saw each other but she didnt looked at me instead she looked straight on the ground like she trys to avoid any contact.

for me after i saw her like this for the first time my heart beat went crazy

The second time i drive by with my car and she saw me coming and again her eyes went straight on the ground.

This women is done for me because after all the lies she told me... i mean she lied about everything her past, her partners she had, her "character" and after the cheating im done anyway but somehow i think about her everyday now because her brother live right next to me.

We broken up for 5 months now and i had some one night stands but im for sure not ready for a relationship.
I´m on a good way but because of her brother it bothers me a little bit that we are still "enemys"

I´m sure she has some sort of disorder because after i learned about narcissism and bpd everything fits.

Idealization, devalueation, discard, the mirroring, gaslighting, future faking, all her exbf are crazy cheating bastards...

So what do you think should i speak to her when i see her next time around my house or should i stay nc

I dont want anything to do with her i just want to clear things out, talk about normal things not the break up so when we face each other its cool between us and not awkard

Like when i see her i can say hello and move on and dont have to worry about what is going to happen now and get crazy fast heartbeat.

[legardo993]

Hi

i´m sorry for my bad english but i try to explain myself in a way that you´re able to understand

We dated for 3-4 months

She went study abroad and cheated on me

I thought i go crazy after all the gaslighting but in the end her monkeybranching didnt work out and right now she is dating some other guy who is looking like me

After i learned about narcissism and bpd i now know what happend

Our breake up was bad i called her names after i found out what realy happens and she blocked me everywhere

then one month ago i told her that i cooled down and i dont give a PLEASE READ what happens but because her brother lives right next to me and everytime i see him and his family i think about the way we ended the things and i just want to be cool with everything so we dont get into awkard situations when we see each other ( i saw her for the first time after the breakup 1 month ago and it was awful and it was ofc next to my house while she was visiting her brother but she didnt saw me)

She didnt respond but didnt blocked me

And i saw her few days later again near my house while she was visiting her brother and this time she saw me

i went outside and was wating for a friend and she saw me and damn that was funny as hell because at the moment she realized that i was there her head looked like a tomato and she tryed to hide behind the bushes so i cant see her.

Then i went to my car to grab my jacket and in the meantime she went home and we saw each other but she didnt looked at me instead she looked straight on the ground like she trys to avoid any contact.

for me after i saw her like this for the first time my heart beat went crazy

The second time i drive by with my car and she saw me coming and again her eyes went straight on the ground.

This women is done for me because after all the lies she told me... i mean she lied about everything her past, her partners she had, her "character" and after the cheating im done anyway but somehow i think about her everyday now because her brother live right next to me.

We broken up for 5 months now and i had some one night stands but im for sure not ready for a relationship.
I´m on a good way but because of her brother it bothers me a little bit that we are still "enemys"

I´m sure she has some sort of disorder because after i learned about narcissism and bpd everything fits.

Idealization, devalueation, discard, the mirroring, gaslighting, future faking, all her exbf are crazy cheating bastards...

So what do you think should i speak to her when i see her next time around my house or should i stay nc

I dont want anything to do with her i just want to clear things out, talk about normal things not the break up so when we face each other its cool between us and not awkard

Like when i see her i can say hello and move on and dont have to worry about what is going to happen now and get crazy fast heartbeat.

[Mutt]

Hi legardo993,

So what do you think should i speak to her when i see her next time around my house or should i stay nc

If she has BPD then shame is going to be a part of it and her looking the other way or looking down is because she’s ashamed. She’s ashamed because you are a reminder for her that it’s another failed r/s.

I dont want anything to do with her i just want to clear things out, talk about normal things not the break up so when we face each other its cool between us and not awkard

I think that that’s a good idea because if you bring up the subject it’s going to shut her down. She won’t want to talk about it she won’t want to remember about about another r/s failing because it will make her feel like she’s defective or give her confirmation that she is defective.

Like when i see her i can say hello and move on and dont have to worry about what is going to happen now and get crazy fast heartbeat.

Give it time the anxiety will get better in time and the best thing that you can do is to do absolutely nothing because you’re not going to trigger her. Spend this time by taking really good care of yourself, eat well, work out, get lots of sleep, meditate, find things to do that you like.

[legardo993]

thanks for the answer

I heard from a friend she´s hanging out with (my friend aswell) that when my name came up she was in a shock mode like "what ? him? is he coming" for a few seconds

few days ago i saw her again visiting her brother and i was working in my garden and she didnt even looked at me.

 

I checked her SM(annoynm) and it was a big mistake...i was hurting myself because she posted picture of her with her "new bf" who was years in her friendzone( the dude who is my clone.. looks, personalty etc)
and with me she never took or posted pictures at all.

I saw her happy and i was thinking like it was all my fault because i was to clingy needy in the relationship. But i understand, its SM and ofc you smile and laugh.

I just stay NC and stop looking at her SM. The last time i checked her SM was months ago

if i see her Face to Face maybe i talk to her but i do not contact her through SM or Whatsapp.

But it realy sucks because when i was on my way healing, she appeared again, started to hang around in my Social Circle(we share a lot of mutal friends) and her brother lives right next to me... its like i never cant get her out of my mind because everything here causing me to remember her.  I dont know if shes feeling the same or is she able to block me complety out like not in sight not in mind.

Once a friend called me and asked me to come over but he told me she´s there to and i didnt go because i didnt want to get into an awkard situation.

I also thought that she might be ashamed or she´s feeling guilty after the cheating and lies and "i dont want a relationship right now" and now shes in a relationships again .


She´s also drinking alot of alcohol and using drugs. I dont know about the drug abuse right now but when she was with me she used speed everytime we went to party and she used it to study.

Is that a way to supress the chaos inside her?

And what i also found that she had more than 12 Sexpartners, she told me she had only 6 when she met me.

its 6 months since the cheating and break up and im fine now but i always feel there is some sort of open business with her.




But you´re right i focus more on myself, my goals , my fitness and when(if) she reaches out i talk to her friendly and move on. This women has absolutly no value to me but i want to move on, on good terms.

[legardo993]

oh other things i remeber is, that she never said " i love you" she always said "i´m fond of you"
but she always asked questions like " do you want me to tell something? maybe the "L" word?"
Many times and i never said " i love you" because i programmed to say it AFTER the women said it first.

Was it a way to get validation? because i remember alot of moments like this where she wanted to hear sweet word from me.

Sometime she asked out of the blue " be cute to me" like she was upset and wanted to get validation i dont know..

they craziest part is that 4 days before she cheated on me

She told me stuff like "I miss you so much and i cant wait to see you, you are the best person ever and im very fond of you"