My partner's BPD is becoming harder to help her with

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi there,

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I'll lay out a couple of bits of background and then talk about where I need help.

My partner and I have been married for seven years. We have a daughter, who is six. As with everyone else at the moment, we're on lockdown and therefore stuck in the house together, dealing with disruption to both of our businesses (we're both self-employed) and the closure of the schools here in the UK.

My partner has a diagnosis of BPD and ADHD, and has substance misuse issues. She is prone to intense rage and extreme changes of mood. I am, and have been for a long time, since before her diagnosis even, her target in her rages. I know how BPD anger works, and I understand that she is in pain. I know she is frustrated and that I am where that frustration and pain is going. This is not a new situation for me!

That said, it is becoming harder to help her manage her moods. She has requested I stop working, though to what end I'm not really clear - I think it's to help her with her distress at the moment. I have been trying as much as possible to arrange the rest of our family's time around her needs, but whenever anything happens the switch flips and she starts raging at me again. In the last week there hasn't been a single day without some form of flare-up. I stayed up all night on Monday, hid everything sharp in the house, all medication - I was scared for her safety, but also on the receiving end of a constant barrage of abuse. I called the Samaritans and also her mental health team, who were compassionate but who she did not pick up the phone to when I got them to call her.

I don't know what else to do at this point. I'm scared for her safety, I'm scared for the effect this behaviour is going to have on our child, who I do everything I can to shield from it, and I'm scared for myself. I will accept any advice at all, I'm at a real loose end.

[Alphonse]

Hi there,

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I'll lay out a couple of bits of background and then talk about where I need help.

My partner and I have been married for seven years. We have a daughter, who is six. As with everyone else at the moment, we're on lockdown and therefore stuck in the house together, dealing with disruption to both of our businesses (we're both self-employed) and the closure of the schools here in the UK.

My partner has a diagnosis of BPD and ADHD, and has substance misuse issues. She is prone to intense rage and extreme changes of mood. I am, and have been for a long time, since before her diagnosis even, her target in her rages. I know how BPD anger works, and I understand that she is in pain. I know she is frustrated and that I am where that frustration and pain is going. This is not a new situation for me!

That said, it is becoming harder to help her manage her moods. She has requested I stop working, though to what end I'm not really clear - I think it's to help her with her distress at the moment. I have been trying as much as possible to arrange the rest of our family's time around her needs, but whenever anything happens the switch flips and she starts raging at me again. In the last week there hasn't been a single day without some form of flare-up. I stayed up all night on Monday, hid everything sharp in the house, all medication - I was scared for her safety, but also on the receiving end of a constant barrage of abuse. I called the Samaritans and also her mental health team, who were compassionate but who she did not pick up the phone to when I got them to call her.

I don't know what else to do at this point. I'm scared for her safety, I'm scared for the effect this behaviour is going to have on our child, who I do everything I can to shield from it, and I'm scared for myself. I will accept any advice at all, I'm at a real loose end.

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