Just worn down by it all

[Geesue]

36 years married, but relatively recently diagnosed, husband's bpd, particularly rage has got worse and worse. It is almost continuous.  I do try all the right things, but just don't have the physical, mental or emotional energy to do more than keep myself calm.  It isn't ever a good idea for me to ask for my needs to be acknowledged.  In these lockdown times I don't know what to do.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Face of Melinda]

I'm sorry. It is so wearing to deal with a spouse's  negativity and anger... I really don't think you should pressure yourself to do better with him. You probably know him pretty well after 36 years. This book called Stop caretaking the NPD/ BPD says how we partners resolve to be the bigger person, put our needs to the side, and respond effectively but we can only really hold it together like that for so long. ultimately we have needs and feelings and we're fallible, not saints! I'm struggling too with this quarantine. My spouse hasn't come out to interact with the kids in a month! It's madness. He went for one year not speaking to his parents when he was a teenager so I guess he learned to weaponize withdrawal. Whatever gives you a bit of happiness; music, art, nature, reading, whatever you can do to sustain yourself is the important thing. His dysfunctional behavior is his to own.