Getting worse

[Bandiro]

2 days of rages and throwing things and telling me all her problems are my fault, she hates me more than anything in the world, and even that she hates me so much she could just kill me. Fun times at my house. I no longer let her get me worked up, I somehow manage to just stay calm but firm in my position and that seems to upset her more. When she told me today that she hates me, I just responded that was ok, she had a right to her feelings. Then she got even angrier and said I didn’t even care that she hates me. I told her I cared a lot and it broke my heart, but I can’t change how she feels. That just upset her more. I really wish she would start therapy again, because this is getting unbearable. I feel so sorry for her.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wavewatcher]

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quote author=Bandiro link=topic=344146.msg13107703#msg13107703 date=1587352998]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is awful, and must be taken seriously.

2 weeks ago my dd25, also a rager, especially toward me, began sending me death memes of people getting killed, of people killing themselves and people saying they hated someone. All night long. She was drinking with prescription drugs. The next morning she texted me that she was going to kill me, and after a texted countdown came out and tried to strangle me. The rest of what happened is in my posts. She's now in a dual diagnosis rehab, but hating it. She says she'll probably get kicked out.

I don't know how seriously you take your daughter's threats to kill you but if there is any history of violence on her part toward you I would consider that she is capable of at least attempting it. Please let other people know her threats and have a safety plan in place.  And don't hesitate to call the police.  It is sad but your health comes first.  Keep posting, Bandiro. Take care of yourself.

[Bandiro]

I’m so sorry you went through that Wavewatcher. That sounds absolutely terrifying. Thank you for the warning- it’s true that BPD can be so unpredictable. Take care of yourself also - I’m sure it will take some time to recover from that ordeal. I hope you have access to a good support system!
I don’t think my daughter would actually try to harm me, at least not at this point. She is not normally violent towards people during her rages, but she will damage things (flip a plate of food, destroy clothes). When she said she hated me so much she “could just kill me”, she seemed to even surprise herself, and she immediately turned and went into her room and stayed there. I think it really upset her that she was repeatedly telling me how much she hated me and I wasn’t reacting, so she just took it to the next level and even she knew she went too far. And before that, when she was throwing clothes, she ended up with a wooden hanger in her hand and I saw her make the decision not to throw it. She is still angry today, but calmer.  Her rages have escalated lately, so I am aware I may need to call the police at some point. I really hope we don’t get to that point.
I hope your daughter stays in treatment and gets the help she needs. And I hope my daughter returns to therapy and gets some help before things go too far. Thanks for the support!