This is getting bad and escalating quickly

[strugglingBF]

My BPDgf seems to be getting worse and worse the longer this COVID drama goes.  We live in a state that is on a stay at home order that was just recently extended to May 15th.  The longer this goes, the worse her symptoms get.  Meaning, I have fully returned to being the target of 100% of her frustrations, failures, etc.  I can barely exist around her for more than 10 minutes without being ridiculed for something, told I need to change, told I am responsible for everything wrong in her life.  2 examples from last night alone.  

1. We live in separate houses.  I am still working from home, so I usually head over to her place for a few hours around 5:00 or 6:00 every evening.  She called me during my driver to her house, I tell her I am on the way over, she starts talking about something and in the middle of what she is saying she say, "I have to get off the phone, bye" and hangs up.  I text her and ask if everything is ok as that is not how she normally gets off the phone.  I didn't even have a chance to say "see you in a few, bye".  I get to her house 10 minutes later and ask her what the cause for having to get off the phone so quickly was.  It was odd.  She refuses to tell me, eluding that it was another phone call.  But is strangely withholding who it was.  The way she acts makes me ask more questions (I know that is a mistake), and it is almost as if she is baiting me.  I inquire more about who called and she absolutely explodes.  Life off the charts.  I back off, but she keeps going and going with put-downs.  I was the cause of everything that pissed her off the rest of the night.  The only time I wasn't was while we watched a couple episodes of a show we watch together.  

2. This was later in the evening.  After we were done watching our show, she likes to play a particular game on her tablet.  I usually play with her.  Long story short, the game takes us working together in order to advance.  Well, we have been stuck on a particular level and cannot get past it.  So every time we fail it is my fault, and I get lectured on how I need to do more in order for us to win.

Seems trivial, I know.  But when the level of splitting goes down to things as small as these I'm sure you can get a picture of what life is like when things that actually matter on a larger scale come in to play.  I am getting real tires of being a target, and it feel like a lose-lose because at times I try to fly under the radar and not bring attention to myself she still finds a way to target me.  

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Intrigued04]

Hi! Sorry to hear about all of your frustrations. Have you set any boundaries for yourself for when your girlfriend does projector use you as a target for blame? I'm asking because I'm just curious how you handle being in that position.

Where I live,  we've been under a stay-at-home order for the last month and it's supposed to continue another 8 weeks. My longtime friend, who I highly suspect has BPD, has not been responding to any of my texts. No more than twice a week, I reach out to check in or to invite him to do something active outdoors. I'm trying not to take it personal because I can't imagine the stress that he might be feeling; he's not working, has no routine, no distractions or coping outlets, etc. It'd be interesting to hear other people's experiences on how this pandemic impacts mood, feelings of loneliness or perceived abandonment, social withdrawal or isolation, etc. 

Has your girlfriend communicated how this situation is making her feel compared to a normal day?

It's difficult when you feel helpless in a situation, especially when the other person isn't communicating what they need from you, even if it's
just space.

[Dron]

I can 100% relate to it. When my gf unexpectedly hangs up i realise that something is wrong and try to find out so i could help her with it, no matter what it is. She never tells me tho. We live separately with our parents so i don't have a chance to visit her anytime i want. We chat a lot but lately every message i got contained an insult or judgement. I have to admit that i got tired of it, so tired, but while this isolation thing is happening i try to keep her away from stress bc we have some mutual groups on what's app and i see how she treats other people when she's in rage or upset. She is being incredibly nice to everyone except me, i am her way to reduce stress but i need to reduce stress myself and i'm stuck. I can relate to your situation and all i can say is that i wish you luck, strength and steel nerves. The thought that always helped me to get through this is that i love and appreciate that she's not afraid to show her true emotions and express her feelings. She's in pain and she's not hiding it from you, that's how special you are, even tho it might be a strange way of showing it to you.